Well, if it seems too good to be true...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Well, if it seems too good to be true...
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Mon, 02-05-2007 - 12:58pm

...it probably is. I've decided not to see "R" any more...I found out something about him that made me uncomfortable with his character so Sat night I decided that I wasn't comfortable having him in my house at this point (he was supposed to come over and watch the Superbowl with me, and he made this big deal about making me his famous chocolate chip cookies for the game because I sprained my ankle last week and can't do much). So I decided to call him Sunday morning to cancel--I just said I wasn't feeling well and wasn't feeling up for having company (I didn't want to get into a big heavy discussion at that point) and that I was sorry to have to cancel and I hoped it was early enough he could make other plans. Well, he says, oh, I guess you haven't gotten my email yet. Well, he was cancelling on ME for a reason that was so transparently a lie it wasn't funny. But I just let it go since I was doing the same to him.

It's funny, I've had this feeling about him since about the 3-4th date and I was thinking that it was just my reaction to the fact that he seemed so available and like a good fit for me (because I tend to be attracted to unavailable men). But that feeling was what led me to keep dating other people and I'm glad I did.

I don't want to get into the details of what I found out (it has to do with a posting online--and no, we're not exclusive but it's the *nature* of the posting, plus he's gone to such lengths to tell me he's not seeing anyone else) but it definitely made me realize (again!) that when someone makes a big deal about how honest and upfront they are, it's probably a lie. I am proud of myself for not stooping to emailing him from a fake address to "trap" him--I've stooped to that before and this time I'm just listening to my gut and walking away. I am angry enough that I'm not planning on saying anything to him, I'm just going to ghost and he can figure it out. He emailed me this morning with some more lies, it's kind of amusing at this point, actually.

So I'm wishing I'd invited Batchelor #2 to watch the Superbowl with me instead (he and I had a nice 2nd date Thursday night) but oh well. I did try calling him last minute to see if he wanted to come over but he'd of course made other plans.

I really need to learn to trust my gut more. It's never been wrong when it's negative (it's been wrong plenty of times when it's positive though!). But I'm so aware of my tendency to fall for unavailable guys that I tend to bend over backwards to make sure I'm not rejecting a guy who seems available because he's available, if that makes any sense.

Anyway...onwards and upwards.

Oh, and I found out the Rescheduler has serious heart disease (even has a defibrulater implanted in his chest), that's why he's been so sporadic and is sick so often. So it's not personal, although he's not a good bet for a relationship where I want to see the person more than every 2 weeks or so (he said that's all he feels comfortable committing to, which I can understand but that's not really enough for me).

Sheri

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Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 1:11pm
I'm sorry to hear that Sheri.

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Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 1:41pm

I like what you said about someone making a big deal about something... what is that Shakespeare quote? "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." - Hamlet. Use the appropriate gender rather than "lady."

I think women have great intuition in general especially as you noted, on the negative aspects of people.

I really have to admire you for being so persistent and hanging in this whole dating process. So many ups and downs...

Hugs to you,
Mark

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Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 3:39pm
Aww, Sheri! I'm sorry. That really sucks. I'm glad you found out sooner rather than later but it's never fun to find this kind of stuff out. Big hugs and I hope that things go better with Bachelor #2.

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Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 5:17pm

I'm sorry this guy canceled, but if he's a louse, then maybe it's best you found out now.

The cop guy called Thurs. night & we had a pretty good conversation. I tried to call him a couple times over the weekend (I knew he was working), but apparently he was just too "busy" to return my call. :0 I e-mailed him that I had tried to call him and was a bit perplexed at him not returning my calls. I told him that I was giving up on this....now he'll probably start the same pattern of calling me regularly to continue this cat and mouse game. I'm not answering his calls if he starts back up. He had in his profile that he was NOT a game player and look what he's doing. Maybe he will realize that I'm really finished with him if I no longer play the game. I kept thinking that with the talk we had last week that he would realize that if we did not meet again soon, that I would no longer be content with just phone calls. He assured me that we would see each other again. Yeah...right. Anyway, I just need to be strong and try to believe that there is some guy out there who is not a game player and actually practices what he preaches.

I hope this other guy doesn't let you down. It is downright frightening to see such a pattern of lies and games played by so many online guys all over the country. Once again, I'm hiatus from OLD.

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Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 6:45pm
So sorry "R" turned out to be a player! At least you found out before you really fell for him. And there is bachelor #2. :)
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Registered: 04-09-2008
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 7:21pm

Sorry to hear about R, Sheri.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:45pm

Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling a little down tonight--was really hoping my luck had changed but guess not. We'll see what happens with the other guy...I hope he'll call but I'm not holding my breath. I'm just losing hope that there really are single men of integrity and character out there--I *know* there are (and that Mark is one of them) but it just seems like finding one who's right for me is an impossible dream.

Sheri

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Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 9:53pm

Sheri - you have such good gut instincts but your gut isn't always going to tell you everything you need to know.

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Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 11:44pm

I'm sorry to hear this and this explains why you were so insistent about dating others.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
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Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 1:33am
I'm really sorry to hear about your continued frustrations with dating. I know it's hard to keep at it, but you've been so strong and so persistent and determined that I commend you for that. He IS out there, don't give up hope yet.

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