guy won't keep profile up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
guy won't keep profile up?
4
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 9:12pm

A cute chiropractor emailed me over match a couple days ago. I was interested, just based on his picture and email, but I clicked to see his profile and it's unavailable. I emailed him back, and he explained that he doesn't keep his profile up because it was getting ridiculous with all the emails, so he only makes it available when someone in particular wants to see it. He said he used to have it up all the time.

I didn't think anything of it at the time, because I've been bombarded with emails myself and feel overwhelmed sometimes--overwhelmed enough to think about taking my profile down. And, he had pointed me to a web page for his work that gave a professional profile of him, so I do have that information. But just tonight it occurred to me that maybe there's a reason why his profile isn't up all the time. Could he be married? Obviously the profile wouldn't say that, but the situation seems odd.

Does this seem like a red flag to anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 12:42am

I used to hide mine too because you do get so much mail and new mail everyday therefore those who have written you - you want to give them a chance or at least those that interest you.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 1:33pm
Nah, i dont think its a red flag. Sounds realistic to me!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:29am

I think it's a yellow flag, because the fact is that unless he's incredibly gorgeous and a "perfect" single guy, there's just NO WAY he gets as much attention, winks, and email as a woman gets.

It's the nature of the beast. Men don't get as many emails as women do.

My suggestion would be to proceed with caution. Not enough to strangle any potential, but enough that you don't fall madly for him immediately.

And if you can search on public records in your area, it might not be a bad idea. Start with county recorded documents- like deeds and notes and mortgages and such. Look through the records to see if he's bought a house, and if there's a woman's name. Heck, look for the obvious and search marriage records online.

But don't get crazy about it, either. It might just be that he does get a lot of email (and the reason I don't when I'm active is that I'm ugly or something). LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2007
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:55pm

I'm inclined to think this is a yellow flag as well. My first thought was that he is possibly married. Unfortunately, because there are just enough married or otherwise committed guys who are out there looking for extracurricular activity, I'd be at least aware of that possibility.

Another reason might be that he is embarrassed by going online and doesn't want his family, friends or work colleagues knowing that he's on a dating site. OLD has lost much of its stigma but it still is a little weird to have someone come up to you and say, "oh, I saw your profile on Yahoo or Match the other day."

And yes, he may be getting a lot of email but I suspect HJNTIY is right---that men don't get quite as much email or winks as women. Especially when someone is new to a site, he/she gets a lot of mail and sometimes it's hard to physically get through it all. Life happens even when one is online and other life obligations may be piling up in this man's life so he can't get through even a smallish amount of email.

I do think HJNTIY has a valid point---before you get too interested in this guy, do some quick and free investigating to see if there might be a wife in the background or something he is hiding from you. It isn't being paranoid; it may save you from heartbreak.

Good luck!

Moogie