my story..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
my story..
5
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:15pm

Your typical newbie here waiting to spill my guts and read your replies. Here goes:

I was married for 25 years to a very controlling man. I knew for the last 10 that I wanted out of my marriage, but wanted to wait till my youngest dd graduated HS. She was 17, graduating spring '05. My son, 19, was on his own attending college. I met my beau online April '04. It was strictly friendship at first. Heck, he was 28 and I was 43. He was in a relationship and his girl had recently gotten pregnant. We talked on a daily basis. He listen, encouraged and let me be the person I was. He married his girl July '04, tho we both knew we had fallen hard for each other. My marriage became increasingly worse as I felt more empowered thru his courageous words. In Dec.04, that controlling ex raped me. The next morning I left. My children knew that I spoke to my beau, but were unaware of how we both felt about each other. Unfortunately, I left some "evidence" which caused great friction between me and my children for several months. The first months were horrible as I was filled with guilt for leaving, plus them thinking my beau was to blame. Anyway, time passes, his son is born, he is still with his wife, but talking to me every day and night. We still have not physically meet (he is in VA, I am in TX). We attempted to get together, but it never happened. I kept telling myself it would never work, blah blah, and would "walk away". That never lasted long, my heart would ache for him. June'06 comes, he leaves his wife and files for divorce. Sadly, he accidentally spills his guts to the fact he left her for another woman. Hearing this she throws a loop into the custody agreement forbidding him from seeing me till the divorce is final which per the law in VA is one year past the separation date, June 22, 2007. We make plans, he loves me , all that good stuff, but I am terrified that something is going to happen that will prevent him from being with me come summer. Or that my children will not be able to accept this man that I love with all my heart. Tell me, please, if I am being just plain stupid holding on to this dream, to this man I want so desperately in my life or just tell me I am stupid...period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
In reply to: kel7298
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:39pm
How can you love someone with all your heart if you've never met him? How can you believe anything he says/types? I saw a show last week where a woman fell in love with a man she met online, enough to make plans to leave her husband, only to find out that "he" was a "she". It was all a sham.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
In reply to: kel7298
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:44pm
I wish I could answer that. I just know. Thanks for the reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
In reply to: kel7298
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 2:51pm

I'm very afraid for you getting terribly hurt by this man . . . although you've been terribly hurt by your X.

Based on your history I think/hope you can handle anything that comes your way . . . and I truly hope he is all that you believe him to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
In reply to: kel7298
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 12:09am

Kel, kudos to you for leaving your control-freak ex. That takes a ton of strength. But I think your guilty feelings are reflective of the fact that you were too weak to do that on your own and needed someone there to "rescue" you.

Stand on your own two feet for awhile, maybe a year or two. Stay away from the guy you've never even met. You can't be in love with him if you've never met him, you really can't. You are in love with what you think he is. But he doesn't sound like a good guy to me if he can't maintain a marriage without chatting with you online. He'll only dish out more hurt to you.

Plus, and this is something I don't think many people think of, when you meet him what if he smells or has an annoying tick or is really just unappealing. You are in love with someone who is in love with a fantasy (as are you) so there might not be any real substance to this whole thing at all.

Take care!

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
In reply to: kel7298
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:22am
wow chick, that made alot of sense...thank you for that!