I think I messed up with a great guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
I think I messed up with a great guy
9
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 9:08pm

I met a great guy, gorgeous, good job, sweet online. We've been talking on the phone for a month and were planning on meeting this weekend. On Sunday, we were talking about the fact that my soon to be ex-husband & I hadn't had sex in the last two years of our marriage. He asked me how I was handling not having sex. Now, I'll backtrack a little. After my husband moved out, I ran into an old friend of mine, we've become friends with benefits. I told the new guy about my friend..and let him know that we haven't had sex since the holidays. The new guy asked me what I would do about my old friend if he and I decided to pursue a relationship. I told him that if that happened, I would not see anyone else, including my old friend. I did let him know that this person was a part of my life and although I wouldn't see him that way anymore, he would always be in my life. We then started talking about other things and he asked me to call him when I wanted to chat. I called him Monday night and left a message...he has not called me back.....

Sometimes my mouth is my worst enemy. He would have to know about my friend eventually and I decided to be up front about it....big mistake, I think....how can I fix things?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 12:30am

If he calls you again, if it were me, I wouldn't bring it up anymore. Who knows? Knowing that you have a male friend who will always be a part of your life may feel somewhat threatening to him or conflict with his values.

Either way, I wouldn't wait for him to call. Keep it movin' and if he calls, he calls, and if he doesn't, you'll know what not to say next time.

Good luck!

~H

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 3:08am
Ooooh, i could see that maybe that could have freaked him out a bit. I certainly totally understand the FWB thing, have had a couple of those ... but i am NOT sure any other man with real committed feelings for me would "get it".

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 10:27am
Okay, I sent him an email this morning explaining why I told him now rather than later. I did feel that I would have to tell him because he will meet this other man someday and who knows what he'll overhear. I told him that I was attracted to him and wanted to pursue this and that I would call him tonight to see if we can still get together.....I'll let you know what happens. Wish me luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 9:00pm
Hope it works out well! Keep us posted!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 9:40pm
Well girls....good guys do exist....he called me tonight. He said that he was upset about the other guy and went online to look at other girls, but could only think about me. We are going to dinner and a movie on Saturday. He also asked me that, if things go the way he thinks they are going to go with us, would I accompany him to Mexico in April. I hope he's not too good to be true.....I'll keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 10:07pm

Good, I'm glad it seems to have turned out OK. Just a tip for next time, talks about others you are sleeping with, exes, etc. are probably better saved for later in the relationship - say when you've been on a couple dates or better yet when you're starting to talk about being exclusive! ;-)

Another word of advice - don't do a movie. The point of first meets is to get to know each other - talk, chat, yammer to one another. When you're in a movie, you have to sit in the dark and be quiet. Thus, no talking, chatting, yammering or getting to know each other. If dinner goes well, go somewhere else you can keep talking - the bar at the restaurant (you don't have to drink if you don't want), a coffee shop, a bookstore, go for a walk, go ice skating... whatever. But a movie is not a good online first date. One other thing - DO NOT make it your home or his home. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT! Hopefully you are meeting him there and he is not picking you up. You may have been talking to him for a month, but he IS a stranger. It might seem innocent enough, but better safe than sorry. Meet in a public place, stay in a public place and leave alone. If things go well, you'll have plenty of time to get cozy on your couch.

Last, please be wary of a guy that is already talking future plans before you've even been on your first date. It can turn out to be nothing, but often guys that are in such a rush to make a relationship happen wind up being the worst kind of commitment phobes. Seriously. You get all caught up in this whirlwind romance that THEY created and then whammo - they say "I'm just not ready for a commitment". It is very common for this to happen. So just take it one date at a time, don't give him an answer on Mexico anytime soon and have fun while being safe. Good luck - I hope he does turn out to be a great guy.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 6:26pm

It seems from your post that you havent's met this guy yet... is that true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 7:20pm
No, not in person...we are meeting up for dinner tomorrow night. We have been talking on the phone now for six weeks.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 7:42pm

I'm glad to hear you are meeting up after all--but remember, no matter how long you've been talking, this guy is a STRANGER, and you need to treat him as such. Take the usual safety precautions like meeting him at the restaurant, etc, and don't let the fact that you've talked for so long give you a false sense that you "know" him.

But that said, have fun and I hope your first meet goes well!

Sheri