Some people not cut out for OLD?
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Some people not cut out for OLD?
| Fri, 02-16-2007 - 7:42pm |
I've been single for about a year now and really haven't been interested in dating again until now. I'm definatly open to the idea of meeting someone I can connect with. I've attempted online dating in the past but only went on one date and that seemed to be more stress than it was worth. The thought of online dating now SEEMS like a good idea and browsing sites like Match peak my interest a bit. I don't like going out with someone I don't know though...I'm quite social but it causes me so much anxiety. I consider myself pretty attractive with a good personality so it's not like I'm insecure or shy...
I'm just wondering if OLD isn't the way to go for certain people?

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I'm one person who is not well suited to OLD but am forced to do it. I am reserved, build up relationships slowly and solidly and can't get used to using a catalogue to find relationships. I have many very close women friends and didn't resort to the Internet to find them so I wonder why I have to chose this totally unnatural method of finding a man. Unfortunately though, at my age and stage in life (53) it seems the only way to get enough contacts.
I was a complete dud with Yahoo Personals and only emailed one man who eventually ghosted. I then signed up for 3 months with e-harmony and ended up getting closed out by around 10 contacts. In neither case did I do the contacting, although if I were to sign up again, I might do it.
It still seems unnatural, foreign and distasteful to me. Most of my friends have given up on the Internet too for the same reasons. But what else do we have left?
I had the same experience. A man very enthusiastically emailing me, very emphatically telling me to respond and then he ghosted.
I keep hearing on these sites that people say you have to be thick skinned to survive in OLD. I understand that and think we can't be too sensitive - but on the other hand, when did being thick skinned become a virtue or something postive about one's character. I find that sensitivity makes you human and loving. I don't ever want to be that thick skinned.
I am coming to the conclusion that finding the special one can happen anywhere. Experiencing rejection on a constant basis or giving it out on a constant basis, searching for people in an online catalogue is just not me. My sister met her husband hitchiking when her motorcycle broke down. I don't plan on taking up hitchiking either to meet quality men.
I guess I shouldn't be sharing these emotions on an OLD board yet but it is what I honestly feel. We can't feel the same way about the experience, right?
I have posted about many emotions on this board over the past almost 2 years of doing OLD. Some posters do have a thick skin, but some of "them" even get hurt when the shoe is on the other foot. Some will tell you to write someone off, but when emotions or expectations are tied up with someone, it is hard to do without getting hurt. And very easy for someone else to say this when it is not "their" situation.
I have found that a big majority of the men online are players in one way or another. They don't know what they want most of the time and would not know a decent woman if she sat next to him. They think of OLD as a fun, "hobbie". Most are not serious about it at all, but they can lead a woman to believe they are serious and about them as well. It's happened to me too many times. And I'm always bewildered and hurt by a guy who simply ghosts. I have met several guys I was really interested in and they seemed equally interested only to have it fizzle out after 1 or 2 dates. My most heartbreaking experience was with the guy who was separated and the divorce papers were not final. He went back to estranged wife from hell, and I was left with my jaw on the floor. Took me months to deal with my emotions over that and I'm still not completely over it. In fact, those memories have been hard to deal with in recent weeks as this time last year I was with him and while it was not perfect, I was fairly happy, and I thought he was as well.
I keep thinking the "NEXT" guy will be better than the last and then if there is a next guy, he has another set of issues or problems but ends up bailing on me as well. I'm pretty sick of men at this point and don't have much good to say for too many right now. I'm hoping that will change at some point, but I have no idea when. I'm laying low again with online dating...I don't have the stamina to deal with it for a long while.
I really don't like online dating at all. Form time to time I give it another chance only to be disappointed by the quality of men that I meet. The men that I have been meeting online are players and they lie about what they are looking for. I see alot of the same men on every site as well. I recently met a guy that seemed really into me on the first date complementing me and telling me that he definitely wanted to go out again and then he disappeared on me. This sort of thing happens alot with online dating. It is hard to not take it personally and be hurt by it. I guess I prefer meeting someone in real life even though this has its challenges as well. I have had better luck this way when it happens.
Karalyn
I totally agree with your definition of it being a hobby.
Also I'd say 85% of them never read profiles, they look at pictures only. What's the point of me writing out my profile if you aren't going to read it and find out if we are even compatible. I know men are visual but at least read it after you think I'm cute from my picture. It's annoying and it irritates me to get an email from a guy that says so do you like any sports? and I hate to read I hope you don't like to read at all? When HELLOOOO my profile says exactly what sports I like for gods sake most often hockey is in my screenname and reading is almost always in my profile as well. It's so obvious they haven't read my profile.
I am a very animated, outgoing person and that just doesn't come out well on a flat screen profile. When I meet people they say I look better in person even though I think I look the same in my pictures, men have always said I look better than my pictures in person, and I know my personality is just much better in person than someone on "paper" (or screen if you will) so online is tough for me, I do much better in one-on-one in a bar scene, party, out and about scene when I can interact with people. I just don't go out much so it's hard to meet people that way so I feel like online dating is a necessary evil of dating in todays world.
It's kind of a catch 22 for me.
Smile,
Deirdre
"I feel like online dating is a necessary evil of dating in todays world."
A lot of people feel this way and it is a good/quick way to meet people who you know are looking to meet someone. It's so hard to determine when you are out and about if someone is available. I do also agree that it's hard to portray your real personality on the screen. I was told by a couple of guys I dated too that I look better in person and that my personality is a lot more fun than my writing in my profile sounds like. But, as I always say, even if you don't think you are cut out for it then it still doesn't hurt to try if meeting someone you connect with is important to you. Unfortunately I don't think most people are cut out for OLD or dating period. I always thought it was kind of a chore and there were a lot of disappointments involved with it but good things do come out of it too even if it takes forever and a year to find that person.
Exactly. It's why I keep doing it even though I pretty much hate it. LOL
But I do have to take breaks from it. Right now I'm on a dating sabbatical as I like to call it, I have too much going on that I find more important so I'll probably put my profile back up around may when things have calmed down and I can breathe.
Smile,
Deirdre
Sometimes too when you do take a break from it and focus on other things then it comes to you, not a guarantee, but I've noticed that sometimes when the focus of certain things is not so strong, those things come to you. Not sure why that is but it seems to work that way in life even with money, jobs, friends, hobbies etc etc.
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