Now what??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Now what??
7
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:06am
Ok, so I got brave and joined POF, found a decent sounding guy, we email 2-3 times and now he has given me his cell number and offered to have lunch together. Is it going too fast? This has been over the course of 3 days. I am brand new to dating again, have been separated for 10 months and was married for 18 years, the divorce hearing isn't until 3/6, I really didn't expect to meet someone this soon, just thought I'd check out the site and stuff for awhile. Do I give him a call by way of *67, so he won't be able to contact me if he is a creep? Suggestions please!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:29am

When I started on line dating three years ago I got a bigger response than I ever expected. I realized after a few dates that I should be a little more picky about who I met with and how soon. Basically, you haven't "found" anyone yet. I made it a point to email at least a week before a meet. I asked a lot of questions during that week. If after that I wanted to take it a step further we met for dinner. If the dinner went well, we might meet again. Mostly they were one date wonders. You should get a feeling of connection during email before you meet. But remember, it could be that false sense of intimacy that email can create. The meet is the real test. If you don't feel a further connection once you sit across the table from each other then time to move on. You have lot's of time. I am engaged to a man I met on line. He wanted to meet after three days. I made him wait two weeks. I just had a feeling about him and wanted to ask (and answer) a lot of questions first. He had all the right answers and apparently I did too.

Deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 7:22am
Why would you start dating if your divorce isn't even final yet? I think that's the real source of your hesitation, which is actually smart. As for the guy, it's good he wants to meet so fast rather than string you along, but if you do decide to meet, and eventually date, him, I'd definitely tell him the absolute truth upfront about when you separated and when the divorce hearing is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:13am
Thanks for your response, I think you are right, I didn't expect to find anyone interested in me so soon - just thought I'd look around and now he is and I don't know that I want to persue dating yet, maybe I should just take down my profile. But, I don't want to ghost him so any ideas what I should say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:20am
Thanks for your response. As I said, I am new to this and don't even know what questions to ask - I haven't dated in 18 years! I think I may have jumped the gun anyway, I think I may just wait until divorce is actually final to put up my profile again, I was just testing the waters to see if anyone interesting was out there. Any suggestions, for when I do, about what to ask? Other than what you do for a living, where are you from, etc. Don't want to come off as too trusting or too nosey.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:58am

bottom line -- why not go out on a date and meet him. You've been separated almost a year and the divorce will be final in a matter of weeks. As long as you're honest about that - and he has no problems with it -- GO, have fun and enjoy.

Carole -- who also had the audacity to date before my divorce decree as well (and I wasn't separated as long either, LOL!)....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:01pm

just relax. Have a normal conversation like you would have with anyone new that you just met. When i went on some of my early first dates (after my separation) we talked about jobs, kids, hobbies, travel, etc. Nothing too heavy or serious. For me, I've learned to stay away from talking about politics or other topics that can get real heated.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
In reply to: losingfaith
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 2:14pm

I think that the length of time before meeting is usually a case by case and person by person decision. I have emailed and talked for a couple of weeks with a guy before meeting and some guys I have met within a couple of days. I prefer meeting sooner because I prefer face to face interaction. (Not a big phone or email girl!) However, many women like to get to know a little more about a guy before investing in a face to face meeting. It really is your call, I don't think there are any hard fast rules about it.

YG