How do I tell the parents how we met??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
How do I tell the parents how we met??
9
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 8:30pm
I'm currently talking to someone I met through MySpace back in October. We're not together yet, but may come really close. We lost touch with each other until last month. We've been sending messages through MySpace, talking on the phone, sending text messages, and meeting at my school quite a bit (I'm at a community college). However, my mom does not agree with online dating. With all these crazy people out there, I can't say I blame her- but I'm very careful about meeting people I meet online, which isn't often. How can I explain to her (and the rest of my immediate family) how we met without involving MySpace? This seems really hard to do, but eventually I'm going to have to say something after a while if this turns into a dating situation! I could really use some help on this one. Thanks so much!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:02pm

I would just be honest about it and ask your mom to respect your judgment.

I think lying about it would cause her to have more questions about your judgment than being honest, if it were to come out. Plus I just have a problem with lying about stuff like that anyway--honesty is the best policy and all that ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:09pm

The way I see it, you have 2 choices. Either lie or just tell them and let them know that it's your life, not theirs. Usually people will fall in line when you're truly ok with what you're doing. So if you're ok with meeting people online, they may be too. In the end, no matter what happens you need to decide what's more important to you--being honest and standing up for your life or

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:54pm

I appreciate your input! However, I went through this in high school and my mom flipped out! Now that I'm in college and a young adult at 24, I feel that I know enough about online safety to know my boundaries. My sister-in-law met my brother the same way at a different website, but I'm not sure if they told anyone how they met (or if anyone even asked).

Personally, I'm OK with online dating. I still don't feel as if my parents are. I don't know if this has anything to do with me being the youngest and the only female, but I feel like I can make any decision about my life and be OK with it. I don't like the idea of not telling the truth either-it bothers me. I was raised to tell the truth. But again this isn't the easiest thing to tell my parents, should things turn serious.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 5:23am

Oh I absolutely hear you. Having been where you are and now being 33, I guess my point is are you always going to live life to suit and please your parents? Maybe I'm looking at the bigger picture a few years down the road, but the more you hide from them now, the harder it becomes later.


In this case then, I would think when she asks where you met, you could say 'through a mutual interest.' If she pushes, just say "look Mom, I really don't feel comfortable discussing the details of our meeting as I know your reactions and stances on certain things, so please let's not talk about it.' And leave it at that. Ultimately, if you just let her know nicely that you're not going to share, there's not going to be too much she can do.


Let us know what you decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 10:35am
I like your idea and think I might use it. Since I have been living with my mom for most of my life, I guess I have been trying to please her. Ultimately my goal is to please God (I was raised in a Christian family). I have nothing to hide. In fact, I'm quite happy with where our friendship is headed. I wish I had've thought of your idea before, but I thank you for bringing it to my attention. If things get to a point where he does end up meeting my parents, I'll let you know how things turned out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 10:48am
And as everyone said, you don't have to volunteer this info. If someone asks, you can then go this route but until then, it's your business. And as for wanting to please your mom and all that - that is great but now you are an adult and you can and should start making decisions that are best for you. Your mom gave you the basis for good morals and judgement so use them. You can also let her know (if this all comes up) that because she raised you well that she should know that she can trust YOU to not do something dumb.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 11:59am

My take is that this defines "growing up," i.e. being able to do and say things that your parents don't like/disapprove of. I am not saying it is easy but for me that what defines a person from being your parents' little girl/boy to an adult.

If you can do it with them then I see it easier in being able to do other hard things in the world, e.g. work.

Let us know what happens.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 02-23-2007 - 3:13pm

I understand why this is hard. I am close with my mom too

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Sat, 02-24-2007 - 1:25am

Wow! So there IS hope!! It's funny you mentioned your story because all I usually do on MySpace is communicate with my friends from high school and college and to network with Hospitality majors. I'm not there for dating purposes. He just came out of nowhere and was trying to make new friends here since he was moving from Kentucky. As it turns out, our friendship is slowly starting to develop into something more. I have no regrets about that at all.

My schedule is as crazy as you described, so I really don't have a whole lot of time to meet men. However, we're both doing the best we can with our schedules so that we find one day during the week to get together. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind- along with those who have responded- as I move forward with this situation. I'm glad your parents didn't have a problem with you meeting your bf on MySpace. I hope it's just as promising on my end when it gets to the bf/gf stage! :)

I'll keep you posted on the outcome...take care!

Steph :)