Does this Happen To Anyone Else

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Does this Happen To Anyone Else
9
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:44pm

I have been talking to several men and planning to possibly meet them. One I am communicating through IM and phone. The other just IM right now. It has been a few nights since I have had a chance to call the guy I have been talking to through the phone. I am very busy during the week so it is hard sometimes and I can't call every night. Well tonight he sent me an IM and it seems like he is upset with me for not calling for a few days. I don't feel that I am obligated to call him every night and This sort of thing seems to be happening to me alot. Men getting angry when you don't pay them the attention that they want. I am not in a relationship and haven't even met these men yet, so I feel that I am acting appropriately under the circumstances. Does this happen to anyone else?

Karalyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 5:20pm
Did you ever in the past call this person every night? Otherwise, this person is either very needy or has detected that you are seeing other people and not have told him? Just curious, but not to say this is the case with you and your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:20pm

No, I never called him every night. We haven't even met in person yet? We have talked only a few times.

Karalyn

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 10:47am

Oh, sure, that type of thing has definitely happened to me. I just say next. I'm assuming you didn't promise to call on a certain night and not do so, right, you just hadn't returned his call yet or something like that?

My latest along these lines is the guy I met in person last week who, two days later (not even--Sat morning when we'd met Thurs night), sent me two long texts berating me for not having called him yet and obviously I wasn't interested in him. I'm like dude, the drill is, you are supposed to call ME--plus it's only been two days! He'd given me the "give me a call" line at the end of our meet which I tried to deflect by saying, "or you can call me", but I thought it was just a line and that he wasn't interested. Anyway, to add insult to injury, I had to pay fifteen cents per text to get yelled at, nice huh ;-)? I responded by email and told him I was confused by the texts because I would have expected him to call me if he were interested. He still hasn't called but continues to send emails and texts saying how interested he is. Whatever, dude, pick up the phone and ask me out if that's the case--not that I'd go out with him again at this point anyway!

Isn't dating fun ;-)????

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 1:07am

Yep this is a confusing thing, this OLD or any dating I guess. I'm on Yahoo Personals and had decided to change my profile from honest and sincere which got very few replies to funny and superficial which seems to have hit the cyber spot because I now have had quite a few replies...in any case, I try to show courtesy when someone writes me and send a quick reply to the effect that I appreciate their interest.
I mean I have a life and am busy and besides so far I only want to date one person at a time and I am dating someone (this is another point of confusion for me and discussion for another email). In any case, one guy who wrote me a nice email and had a very interesting profile, to which I responded with the canned Thanks, then proceeded to write me 3 times in 3 days berating me for not giving him a nicer and better and more thoughtful answer! Each email becoming more snarky than the last. He had seen I was online and by Gawd wanted to know just why I didn't take the time to write him a long email.
Am I wrong here-I figured we throw our interest into the cosmos in the form of am email with no expectations of the person who received it.
As it happens, if I am working on my desktop computer, most of the URLs I've logged in to remain open, even if I'm working on something else entirely-so it might appear I am on Yahpoop but really it's the last thing on my mind!
So instead of me writing him a nice email back as I had intended, instead I replied in response to his 3 snarky emails and asked which was the real person..and was his profile (laid back philosophical, stop and count the roses type of guy) real or just a come on. I think it's already spoiled any possible beginning because I'd just wait for the other nasty shoe to drop again.

So yeah-these things seem to happen to many of us and it's a real b***h to deal with.

eellee in orygun

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 10:56am

Yeah--that's why most of us who have been doing this for a while don't send "thanks but no thanks" emails. Plus, I personally HATE getting them so that's another reason I don't send them--I'd much rather infer from their silence that they are not interested.

I'd block this guy and say next already. Why would you want someone who argues with you about that type of stuff before you've even met? It's ridiculous!

And the "invisible" setting on yahoo is your friend ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 1:36pm
Sheri what is the invisible setting? After that I quit having Yahoo messenger open everytime I opened my desktop, which is sort of irritating because there are people I'd welcome a IM from even if I'm busy. So yea, I can block this guy but whats invisible?
eellee
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 1:47pm

You just go into your privacy settings (both on messenger and on yahoo itself) and select sign in as invisible (and don't check show me online when you're on Yahoo websites--otherwise even when you're not on Yahoo personals, for example, but you are signed into messenger, it shows you as online--very annoying as you discovered).

I'm not huge on IM so I only have a few people on my buddy list but they know that they should just IM me anytime (even though I always show as invisible) and if I'm available I'll respond. So just spread the word to your buddies and you should be fine.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 7:50pm
You can also show as invisible only to specific people while on Yahoo Messenger. Just right click on their profile name and go to Stealth Settings. It allows you to select how you appear to that particular person while you're online. So if you want to avoid someone for a while, you can appear as invisible only to them while you can talk to others.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 9:45pm
You can show as invisible to just some people on yahoo by right-clicking on their name and show yourself as always offline to them. :o)