To Thank or Not to Thank

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
To Thank or Not to Thank
4
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 11:38am

So, I had a date last night, nice, we had dinner at a nice restaurant, but there was notably no spark, and I do not think I would like to see this guy again. At the same time, he did pay for my dinner (which makes me feel slightly awkward) and he is a nice guy. I think it would be polite to send a quick e-mail thanking him for dinner and for the nice evening. Because I do not want my e-mail to be interpreted as "interest", I have been advised to indicate that I am not interested by concluding with something like - I don't think we are a match or some such thing, which of course leads me to believe it would be just as nice to say nothing at all and not send a thank you.

I realize this all sounds overly-analytical, and this is one of the things I hate about dating, which I am now perpetuating here, but I'm just curious what you all do?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 2:15pm

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but gosh, didn't you say "thank you" last night when he paid or at least when you said goodnight? If you forgot, then yes, you should write to him and apologize for your oversight in not thanking him and then go on to say that while you appreciated his thoughtfulness (or whatever), you don't think the two of you are a match.

But if you thanked him last night, then there's no need for anything further.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 2:37pm
Thanks Sheri. I did thank, both times, when he paid and when we parted. Your response was very helpful. I didn't even think of it that way . . . I already did say thank you!! For whatever reason, I had it stuck in my head that I had to send an e-mail as well.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 8:34pm

I figured you probably had ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:10pm
LOL - my thought was the same as Sheri's, "Uuuummmmmm, didn't you say thank you at the time!?" ;-) Good. No problem then. I say a big no then becasue you've already said it. Chances are, if he didn't ask you out again after the date, he felt the lack of chemistry. No reason to send a thank you email only to turn around and rub it in his face that there was no chemistry. To me, that would be pretty hurtful, especially if I already knew it. I think a follow up email/thank you is a good idea if you ARE interested in seeing him again, but since you're not, just leave it be. If you hear from him again, then you can respond that you don't think you're a match, but I have a feeling he knows already.

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