No chemistry for OLD
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| Fri, 03-02-2007 - 2:57pm |
I was talking with a single guy friend the other day and he was very adamant on NOT using OLD for finding a relationship. He has used OLD before without success. His contention is that he would rather go out to places that have dances because then he would be able to instantly able to ascertain if there is any chemistry or not.
His complaints about OLD are that that women like to spend a lot of time emailing back-and-forth, then the phone calls, and finally meeting for a coffee where chemistry is determined in the first 5 minutes or so hence a big waste of time.
I like OLD because I have a sense of what values/interests etc. the woman has before meeting her. My friend contends that he knows that in the actual meeting/dancing with her.
I think his point is valid. I also think this is more of a guy thing since women usually don't take the initiative to seek out and ask men to dance (or whatever other activity that involves meeting someone in person).
Right now I'm not really doing OLD because the women I have found there parallels the men you women have found, i.e. not really serious about dating-relationships or just that they are not interested in me. Plus I find a lot of women on Match were the same ones I have seen when I was on 4 or more years ago.
Mark

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I much prefer meeting people the "normal" way like your friend mentions. I am also at the point of giving up with OLD myself. After my last bad experience, I don't have the stamina to continue with it. I have looked at some of the profiles, but I also notice that there are not many new ones within my preference range and I continue to get "matches" through my e-mail from Yahoo.com who are much older or much younger or not within the same race even. :0 Pretty discouraging.
And I also wonder about some of the profiles that have been on there for a very long time. Then again, mine has been on there for about 2 years off/on. I'm also pretty sick of hearing for the 100th time that "when you're not looking for someone is when you'll actually find someone". I have been told that many times and wanted to believe it. Know what? When I made absolutely NO effort (or was not looking as they say), then nothing ever happened. I didn't get asked out, was not meeting anyone, and had NO prospects by sitting back and letting "fate" just happen. Many people mean well who say things like that, but I'm telling you that has not worked in my situation. I have a busy life and have a lot of other things going on in my life other than worrying about being single, but I had very, very few dates until I started OLD. But, then I ended up with heartache or disappointment with all of them. None of them led to something permanent. So, at the moment, I'm not willing to sign up for more heartache. I'm at the stage where I know I'm lonely and I know I would like things to be different for me, but I'm not willing to go back online and get hurt or disappointed once again. OK, enough of my pity party.
I also prefer meeting someone in real life. While I don't think bars are a good way to meet people for serious relationships I have had better luck even there rather than online dating. I think that in real life you can immediately get a read on someones body language etc. Online dating you have to wait till you meet that person, which could take a while depending on both your schedules. I am meeting men that like to talk on the phone and IM and email alot before the first meet, so this applies to both sexes. I don't like doing this because I want to meet sooner rather than later. I am trying to find more ways in real life to meet people rather than online. Also, I feel there is less pressure this way.
Karalyn
There are negatives and positives to EVERYTHING in life i.e. dating on line, in a bar, through friends – not just dating either.
Your post sounds like what a friend of mine might tell me when I'm down and out about things. I have been asking the "Universe" for help, but she/he isn't listening. :0 I have even lit candles & said prayers. However, timing is everything. I try to keep that in mind.
I think sometimes those eharmony commercials really get to me, and their PR campaign gets into my subconscious mind and I think if it happened for "those" people, why can't it happen for me?
It will, now is
I think what your friend's opinion boils down to is this: men are usually more interested in what women look like, and everything else comes second.
So this "chemistry" as he refers to it, just means "am I physically attracted to her because I don't want to waste too much time getting to know her if she's not attractive."
Fair enough I guess. This is why I don't waste time doing OLD anymore either.
How I interpret what my friend means is that a woman's looks online does not translate into chemistry in person. I agree. No matter how good someone looks (online or in person), it does not matter if s/he does not have that sparkle (for me anyway). The sparkle can only be experienced in person. For me physical attraction means not only physical appearance but also "sparkle" or chemistry.
Mark
Exactly the reasons I don't like and have stopped OLD. Sure it is a way of meeting people but you could also stand in front of the supermarket and solicit everyone in your age group too. I think there is so much to learn about someone that can't be found in a 2 dimensional picture or a self-written essay. People write what they perceive themselves to be at a moment in time. It may or may not be who they really are. A picture can be just as deceiving.
Here is an interesting article to read: http://avanoo.wordpress.com/2006/12/30/the-five-truths-that-online-dating-sites-don%e2%80%99t-want-you-to-know/
We all ought to ask ourselves...how do we make same sex friends? Do we go to an Internet catalog and advertise? Of course not. Somehow, everyone feels volume makes up for all of the lacks in OLD. Maybe reality is that people we click with are few and far between and it is not something that can be determined through a phone call, a brief meeting where you have to instantly judge someone for their boyfriendability or the fantasy-land of emailing.
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