What Do I Say If This Guy Calls?
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| Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:17am |
I have a guy friend (Rob) who works at the store where I work part-time. He's had his share of "woman" problems like I have had with men, but he and I are just friends and have talked a lot about our lives, etc. Well, Rob comes over to me and tells me that he has a friend who was interested in taking me out. He was trying to fix me up and said that if he couldn't help himself, that maybe he could help me. Well, when he told me this guy's name, I vaguely remembered hearing about him and thought he was a lot older than me. In fact, he retired from the university where I work during the day. He sent this guy over to talk to me and he wanted my phone number. I gave him my work number, but I was not interested in this guy and I did not act like I was eager to go out with him. He looked at least late 50's and I'm a young looking 46. Anyway, he was not appealing at all and I do not want to go out with him. During my break, another co-worker tells me that she had fixed up her cousin with this guy (not sure how she knew him) and that he turned out to be weird. Her cousin went out with him, but found out he has a belly button AND foot fetish. The cousin said he pulled up her shirt to see her belly button and wanted her to take off her shoes & socks so he could see her feet! Can you imagine??? Needless to say, the cousin did not ever go out with this guy again.
After hearing this story, it only cements my decision that I'm not interested. After doing a web search, I find that this old guy is actually 61! This is totally out of my age range. If this guy calls, I am thinking that I will tell him that I am wanting someone closer to my own age, which would be the truth. I told Rob this and he said to not say that; don't "hurt his feelings". Well, I'm a bit insulted that a guy 61 would think that a 40-something woman would want to go out with him. And he looks older than that even. So, what do I say if I don't mention the age problem? I'm certainly not going to mention his "fetish problem". Anyway, it made for a interesting story to tell my co-workers. In any event, I'm not going out with this guy. I may be lonely, but not THAT lonely. :0

I was once ripped apart by a very nasty, bitter guy who emailed me from CL who was out of my age range. He was late 40s and I was mid 30s and he exceeded my age range by 7 years - he even said that he knew he over it in his initial email. I sent what I thought was a nice email telling him thanks for the email but I considered myself to be a "young 34" and that I was looking for someone more my age. Finished it with a good luck, yadda, yadda. He wrote back reaming me saying that all those younger guys were looking to just hook up with an older woman and throw them away anyway and that since I'm a runner that didn't my leather face give me away as being older than I was hoping they'd think I was. Nasty, mean and downright rude.
You don't need to open yourself up for anything like that so short and sweet is better. You don't need to give details IF he calls just tell him you're not interested in dating him.
Edited 3/5/2007 2:50 pm ET by mitsy2
Yeah, I think the only problem with saying you're interested in someone else is that it can bite you in the behind! If the other person finds out that you're not dating anyone or whatever, they might come back and say "Hey, since you're not dating that person now, you want to go out NOW?" I've had THAT happen too!
I do agree with you tho that it might be good if the friend would step up at this point. I think once the set up goes on the first date, that the introducer needs to stay out of it, but early on, I don't think it's inappropriate for the set-upper to convey to one or the other party that it's not going to work.
Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
Look... you're making this too hard.
You don't need a reason. You just say "no, thank you" if he calls and asks you out. And if he asks why, you say "Oh, I'd really rather not get into it." If he persists on asking why, you say "Look, I am not going to explain. Bye!" and then hang up the phone.
Why do people feel the need to explain, via some "socially acceptable" reason, saying "no"? Just say no and be done with it.
And here's something- do NOT lie. If you say something like "I'm interested in someone else" and it's not true, it makes you a liar, and that's not good. Many people have BS meters and they just KNOW when you're lying to them. Far better to simply say "no".
I emphatically agree. No need to explain or lie.
Mark