How do most approach OLD?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How do most approach OLD?
1
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:46am
I am new to dating and OLD for that matter. I just recently legalized my divorce, and I thought it would be good to get out there and have some fun and learn about the city I just moved to. Anyway, I am on a couple of sites, and I just started eharmony where they have guided questions. Right now, I have not initiated contact with anyone. On eharmony, I have had some guys initiate contact and then disappear with the stated reason that they are pursuing another relationship. This has all occurred a day or two after initiating contact. I am thinking that either they are making up a reason (although they could just put "other") or they are barely starting to date someone else and dropping me. I would prefer to think the former only because I think "guided communication" is a little early to be focusing in on one person. I had planned on not exclusively dating anyone for a while and just enjoy myself meeting different people. Do most of you serial date (date one at a time) or do you just see people at first without exclusivity?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 3:12am

I think you're right- they're just using it as an excuse.

How you approach OLD will vary as much as how anyone approaches ANY kind of dating. Some people just don't like dating more than one person at a time, and some are perfectly happy dating a half-dozen at once.

As a general rule, though, doing OLD means taking things even more casually. There's a lot of people out there who have fallen prey to the trap of thinking that there's always something better right online the computer screen... so they are quicker to cut bait and move on down the road.

My suggestion is that you date as many people at once as you're comfortable with, and don't worry about whether or not the guys are dating anyone or more than one. There's little or nothing you can do about it anyway, right?

The only time this should become an issue is once you've been dating someone to a point where you (or he, or both) want to start thinking/talking about getting exclusive and only dating each other.

If you're the type of person who only wants to date one person at a time, you're probably going to have a rough time doing OLD if you demand that of your dates from the start. Therefore, my suggestion is that you step back and recognize that most people are probably not going to be "mutually exclusive" until at least some time has passed and your relationship has hit a certain level.