should I contact him again??
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should I contact him again??
| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:19pm |
I have a question about a guy i recently met online. After exchanging e-mails and finding out we had a lot in common (exchanged e-mails for only about a week) we decided to meet for coffee. We found out we shared several things in common including that he is going to the same school & attending the same grad school program that I am hoping to attend this fall, he will be working for a company I worked for up until this past summer and he will be living/working for 2 months this summer in a city I just moved from. When we met the "date" went pretty well. We got along good just chatting and the conversation flowed pretty smoothly. It was more like a get to know each other vibe then overly flirty. I can be shy (especially around guys I am kinda into) and he seemed like he could be a little shy as well possibly. I'm just not that sure that he knew how interested I was in him during the date. At the end of the "date" he said that we should go out again and I said that would be good and that he should e-mail me when he got back into town (he was going out of state for a little over a week). I found him very attractive and am pretty into him. In fact he was the ONLY guy out of a few online dates that I was really even interested in. Well he was supposed to get back in town last weekend and I hadn't heard from him by today (wednesday) so I decided to e-mail him this morning. The e-mail was pretty casual and I just mentioned that I enjoyed meeting him for coffee a couple weeks ago and would like to do it again. I am pretty sure he read it as he has been on the online dating site since then but no reply yet. I may just be obsessising and may still get a reply but I really like him and hate being in this position. Do you think that he would have e-mailed me sooner had he been really interested? Or maybe he was just too busy with getting caught up on stuff. Was it a mistake to e-mail him since he said he would e-mail me? If he is on the online dating site does that mean he wasn't really that interested and is still looking for somebody else? I think that our "date" had enough of a connection to warrent a second date so would really like to do that. Either way I would like to know his thoughts so I could either pursue this or move onto somebody else. If I don't hear back from him in a few days should I write him again to ask if he got my previous message and to just let me know if he is even interested in another date? It really is not my style to pursue something if they don't write back but in this case I think I would just like to be direct and would like to know either way. I'm also afraid that he really is just busy and will write back and if I pursue to much right now it could possibly scare him off. It also crossed my mind to call him since we exchanged phone numbers (in an e-mail) in case something came up on the day of our meeting. All of our communication has been strictly online (minus the meeting) and am worried a phone call may be too stalkerish/forward. Any thoughts on what to do? e-mail? call? leave it alone?

Don't call him just yet (or at all).
Wait until the weekend to email again (if you do). Your excuse can be to see if he wants to do something Saturday night. Keep it brief. Maybe in the email you could tell him that you thought he was really cute and fun to hang with, and that you are shy and sometimes hard to read, but that you'd like to hang again, and if he is interested....he has your digits...
Keep it cute, keep it short, keep it flirty. No asking if he got the other email. You are just seeing what he's up to this weekend and if he's down for hanging out.
I recently went out with someone who apparently thought I was just not that into him, and I was! I just don't get overly excited on a first date. What worked for me was to say that and to email him telling him I thought he was super cute and fun and if I come off as aloof, it's cause I am a little shy. I also said if he had my digits and wanted to call, I would probably say yes. That puts the ball in his court and it's a way to know if he is truly interested.
GOod luck!
Gal Blondie
Okay, a couple of things. First, there's probably an 'enter' key on your keyboard. Use it once in a while! One big paragraph that long hurts my eyes! :)
Second... and you might not like reading this...
He's Just Not That Into You.
He's got your email. He's got your phone number. He knew at the end of the first date that you wanted to go out again. He said he'd email and didn't. He's got your email from today that says you want to go out with him.
What more do you need to know? He has everything he needs to ask you out again, and he hasn't done it. Would you like him to sneak over to your place and build a giant flashing sign in the front yard saying "I DON'T WANNA GO OUT WITH YOU AGAIN"?
Because, honestly, that's what it seems you're looking for here- a clear sign. Well, I think he's given you a clear sign; you're just looking everywhere BUT the sign. The question you have is "Do you want to go out with me again?" The answer is clear when you consider that he hasn't tried to go out with you again!
You ask this..."Either way I would like to know his thoughts so I could either pursue this or move onto somebody else."
Um, what? I mean, what? You had ONE DATE with this guy. You're locked into him and only him? You can't "move onto somebody else" after a single date? Sheesh, woman!
No, don't call him. No, don't email him. It *is* possible that he's been genuinely tied up for some reason and does want to go out with you again. If that's the case, he WILL get in touch with you. He's got your email, he's got your phone.
What you should do is NOT lock yourself into a single guy after just a little bit of emailing and a single date/meeting. What you should do is accept that if a guy has your email address, and has your phone number, he's perfectly capable of asking you out again- especially since you guys talked about it at the end of the date and you made it clear to him that you'd go out with him again.
Yes, by all means, move on.
I wouldn't contact him again. You let him know that you'd be interested in going out again once he returned from his trip and then you also sent him a casual e-mail. I think that's enough for him to catch on and contact you. If he doesn't then he's probably just not the right guy for you. You might still hear from him though~I just wouldn't contact him at this point.
~Dani~
I agree with the last two messages. You told him you would like to see him again, sent him an e-mail reiterating that you would like to see him again. The ball is firmly in his court. If he is interested, he'll call. If not, you have your answer.
I do wonder though if he is so busy that he can't get in touch, where did he find the time to hang out on the dating site?