Yikes-came jhome to THE email I wanted

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Registered: 03-01-2007
Yikes-came jhome to THE email I wanted
5
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:52pm
I first joined Yahoo Personels last fall when I checked it out ans saw a picture of a man there who looked exactly like my husband-who died 2 years ago on Mar 24th. Like the build, the hair, the great smile..even the profile read like Russ in many ways.
My daughter said "Don't do it Ma--that isn't dad and you know it" but I did-joined and wrote to him first thing praising his smile and writing and etc etc gushy things. Didn't hear from him. In Dec I wrote again and said Happy Solstice, hoped he was good and write me if he ever had a moment. Nada from him..he had not been on line for a month or more.
A few weeks ago-prior to joining this board, I wrote one last time, telling him I was persistant but not stupid and I could take a hint--but in a jokey way-
He wrote back last weekend while I was in Seattle and was apologetic about not writing sooner-he'd been out of town on a volunteer organizational trip and hardly ever checked Yahoo-had about given up on meeting any women etc.
He invited me to dinner at a local vegetarian friendly place sorta spur of the moment as he was going to be intown at a meeting--I love this place-called "Old Wives Tales" and it was hubbys and mine favorite place to eat. Lee said it was his favorite place and apologized for making the invitation so spur of the moment--however I wasn't home yet so I missed out of course...drat.
I talked to my daughter tonight and she thinks I'm totally setting myself up for a let down..
I *know* this isn't my husband come back to life--after all, Lee isn't a drummer and he may not look much like his pictures anyhow. I'm trying to be very in charge of myself about this but since an hour ago when I read the email my heart has been pounding and I'm very over excited.
He gave me his personal email to write him at, rather than keeping thru Yahoo-and so I wrote telling him when I'd be available and offering to drive to his area since he sounds like he lives way out of town.
Heavy sigh--
I am really really well healed from my loss.Not totally but well along the pathway. I've done heaps of grief and healing workshops and therapy and have accepted that my husband, my soulmate is gone. I'm not trying to replace him nor comparing others to him,nor talking about him on dates, except with one man who was a widower and who really was looking for a woman to make over into his wife . It was too early for either of us to be dating but we both had been encouraged to 'get out' by our helpful children who were most likely afraid of having dad or mom come and live with them if they don't get married again .
This will be hard in a couple of ways--first if he really IS like Russ it will be too easy for me to fall in love easily and set myself up for hurt. And if he *isn't* I will be tres disapointed. I'm hoping for a middle of the road.
Is this very sicko? Like a Stephen King book-"Dead Husband comes to life and found on Yahoo" or maybe the Nat'l Enquiry or some other tabloid.
I was so blown away by the photo that I almost passed oaut. I showed it to Kirstin and she was totally amazed too, then the profile..well all I can say is it's scary.
I'm just 10 days shy of his 2 year ?aniversary? Is that what its called-seems like a joyful word for a sad occasion..in any case, I had intended on ceasing dating for a few weeks because I need to honor my feelings right now and not be artificially cheerful, however maybe I could deal with seeing Lee...or maybe not.
Crap-I'm really confused.
However Yo-yo Ma was fantastic, the concert was one of my best experiences ever and I tried to get tickets for Tuesday night but they were sold out..he was giving 2 different shows of the Silk Road Suite. The show my daughter, Melissa, and I attended was heavy on tribal drums and we both commented after that "This was something Russ woulda wanted to see".
Any ideas thoughtful new friends. Should I just forget this whole thing?
elle in orygun
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 12:02am

HI Eellee,

Are you aware of how incredible this could be? It's almost eerie. I say don't overthink it and possibly sabotoge it. You know how hard it is to find someone to make your pulse pund like that?

I also say that you should not waste time (or a man who could be great for you) by worrying. You've been through a loss, so an extent is only normal, but when you have a possibility like this, why take it and say, "Well, it probably wouldn't/couldn't/shouldn't work."

Girl, go for it. Follow your heart. This could be amazing for you.

P.S. I used to live in Portland, Oregon, and love vegetarian food. You sound really cool.
Take care...

~Crystal

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 2:29am

No, don't give up. But don't make it more than it is, either- it's a first meeting with what seems to be a reasonably nice guy. Odds are it won't go anywhere... so just go, have a good time, be yourself, and quit with the "I hope I don't wreck it" thinking.

All you have to do is be yourself. If it works out, then it's because he likes YOU and fits YOU. If it doesn't work out, that's a good thing, too, because it means you weren't a fit and who'd want to be stuck with someone that doesn't fit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 7:59am

God, that must be SO hard. Im so sorry for your loss, but on the other hand, so happy for you that you DID have your "soul mate" for so long, since so many people never find that in their lives, ever.


As for this guy - I say "go for it".

Photobucket

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 1:29pm

I think since your possible meeting with Lee has waited this long it can wait a little longer. Let your emotions from the upcoming anniversary settle a bit--it sounds like you would be apt to invest too much in a meeting at this point. If you can't get to a point where a meeting with him would be "just coffee" to you then I'd wait.

Wasn't Silk Road amazing? I was there Tues night as I'd mentioned, but really wished I had gotten a ticket for Monday night as well. I was at the Fairmont Olympic hotel for lunch on Monday and while I was waiting for my car to be brought around, Yo Yo Ma walked out of the hotel with his cello, heading over to Benaroya to warm up...that was pretty cool! I had to restrain myself from asking for an autograph, LOL. You didn't respond to the email I sent you through your profile btw--did you not get it?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Thu, 03-15-2007 - 2:20pm
Hi all-thanks for the notes of support--and yes I DO realize how absolutely WOW this could be - and Sherri I appreciate what you have said also.
I had a 2nd email this morning from Lee suggesting a meet on March 27 as he will be back into town that day and wants again to meet at OWT...He really must love that place! So I agreed to that and suggested we try to fit a few emails in between now and then.
I didn't get your email and had forgotten my charger-I'd put your phone number into my cell phone then it went dead so I couldn't call...was so busy anyhow I wouldn't have had time to meet.
How lucky for you to see Ma in person..what a humble guy...just came on stage and sat down to play. My daughter was totally entranced by the music. She is very into alternative rock still so this was a big step sideways for her-I think she was going with mom just to do something nice for me and it totally turned her around as regards 'classical'; music. After I tried to explain that was really not classical-more like folk music but who cares what it's called, it is still dynamite!
I am a lot more calm this morning-finally caught up on sleep as I had to get up early yesterday to take my mother in law to the doctors, babysit Brianna for Kirstin etc etc...the day went so fast I never checked emails until last night then saw Lees! It had been sitting in my email box for several days.
I have another OLD question I think I'll ask n a new header--so thats it for now.
elle-gona walk the dawg in the sun!