Would anyone want me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Would anyone want me?
10
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 9:27am

A little background. I'm divorced, and without going into details, I was cleaned out of my financial assets by the divorce. I'm 56, have no savings, no retirement fund, I have absolutely nothing financially besides my next paycheck...which is pretty pathetic, considering tbe odds of finding a decent job at my age. My ex has everything I spent a lifetime working for.

I didn't beat my wife, I'm not an alcoholic, I didn't cheat on her. She never told me why our marriage was so miserable that she had to get out.

I've thought of enrolling in an on-line dating service, but why spend money I don't have to present a picture of such a pathetic loser?

Befcore you answer, don't BS me. How many of you'd would truly...HONESTLY...want a man in my situation?

Greg

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 1:21pm

It sounds like your divorce left you devastated in many areas including financially. Believe me there are women out there that are looking for a good loving man who wouldn't beat or cheat on them. You are left with the remnants of divorce...low self esteem and lack of confidence in yourself and you are questioning how women would perceive you. Don't give up because you deserve to be loved and adored by someone who would be lucky to have you. I would highly recommend seeking a counselor who can help you get to know the new you. The more you appreciate and love yourself the more women you will attract.

Cindy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 2:25pm

Greg,

I would think of the non-material you have to offer; love, compassion, loyalty.
Most girls (especially nowadays) don't marry expecting to be taken care of. More and more women have a college education and make their own bucks (like me), and I don't recall dating any Daddy Warbucks, or guys that really had much money at all, except one, but I was not that into him.

Soooo, work on repairing your self esteem. An independent woman who is looking for a partner rather than a provider will find what you DO bring to the table more than enough.

Good Luck : )

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 6:06pm

The more you appreciate and love yourself the more women you will attract.


Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 8:14pm
I think your 1st "job" is to repair your self esteem & realize there are TONS of men out their with money & a retirment fund ... who are complete *SS*S!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:46am

Dude. I know you're feeling down, but believe me, it'll get better.

These women here have an excellent point- it's not money. Well, as guys, we know better; women DO like money at least a bit, but it's not the ONLY thing, or even the main thing.

Your self-esteem is trashed right now. But there ARE plenty of women who'd be delighted to get a good guy, a guy who might not be rich but who's willing to go and work hard, even at a crappy job, who's making something of himself even if it's slow but sure.

But right now? Nope, no women are going to want you, because your self-image is in the crapper.

So put the babes on the back burner and get going on the other stuff. Figure out what you're going to do and where you're going to go, and get to doing it. Once you get back up off the ground and get your feet under you, then it's time to start thinking about women again.

Look at it this way- you can count on there still being women around in several months or a year. Guaranteed. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 7:56am
Hi Greg,
All I can say is that you should get yourself 'ready' before you get into this. It's pretty hard to accept when the ex walks all over you and leaves you to pick up the pieces(been there). Anyway, you need a thick skin to do online dating, or any dating for that matter, and you have to pace yourself, take breaks when you get tired etc. I am an optimist, so I am still out here looking for my Prince Charming, but there is this incredible path of frogs in our way! By the way, many of the frogs are very nice, too, and you may need to slow down a bit to find some fabulous friends before you will find Ms. Right. Good luck to you.
E
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 12:20pm

I agree with small peanut. After my divorce, I lost my job and it took me four years to find another one that was in my profession. I was in several relationships during that time, one of which was the most intimate relationship I ever had in my life. I focused on my blessings, volunteered to help others, surrounded myself with those people who were positive and supportive, and worked on improving my situation.

I encourage you-mancreature to find a support group that will help you to do those things.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:22pm
I would have to agree with the small peanut, gal-blondie etc etc. Its about what you have to offer inside and what you think of yourself and not how much money you have. Most women who are genuine people looking for love and honesty over materialistic things will appreciate a man who can give them these things. Heck, I have dated men who have had college educations, made a decent amount of money, were very succesful etc etc but none of them compare to who I'm with now and he doesn't have a college education and doesn't make a lot of money. It goes to say that what makes most women happy is what is inside and how much love and compassion you can give to them and just sharing common interests, goals etc etc. Don't beat yourself up over the situation. It might take awhile to heal from it but you will only become stronger because of it and there are other opportunities in life to seize.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 6:38pm

I guess I'll be the disenting voice.

I think you are right, to a point. Many women wouldn't want to date you right now.

Most of the posts in response to yours were all about "oh, it's what's on the inside" and "money doesn't matter".

Bull excrement. Women tell other women on these boards all the time about how they should ditch a guy who doesn't measure up financially. The cheerleading from the other posts is nice, but it's not, IMO, realistic.

From your post, I'd say what you really need to deal with is the aftermath of your divorce. It doesn't sound to me like you've recovered from the shock and pain. Which means you aren't ready to date, regardless of your financial situation.

Set personal and financial goals. Work on them. Eventually you'll be "fit for company" as my grandmother used to say.


Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 9:53pm

Money DOES matter. If I'm worried about how I'm going to pay my rent then I cannot be present and pay attention to the woman I am dating. I also know that how I handle (inside) my life's challenges, e.g. no job is how I present myself to the world.

It's an inside-outside type of approach. Inside is my sense of confidence. Outside is handling the worldly issues of money.

I have worked hard on not making the outside define my self esteem and defining who-I-am. I'm still a work in progress. I do know with the inner work I have done that I am a more attractive man.

Mark