Ah! Help!!! Interested friend??
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| Sun, 03-18-2007 - 6:14am |
Ah!
So I've always kind of liked my best friend's boyfriend's best friend (catch that?) I also live with these two (my best friend her boyfriend.)
Tonight, I found out from another friend that this guy I had liked told her on Monday that he was considering asking me out. I was shocked.
Later tonight I asked my friend, "are you serious about that?" and she said, "yeah, but tonight when I asked him about it he said that he wouldn't want things to be akward with all of our friendships if things didn't work out."
Then later on when he and I were talking, he randomly mentioned how he and I seem to be looking for the same things in a relationship.
The other friends we hung out with tonight were kind of gently pushing us to be next to eachother and whatnot. I invited all my friends to go out with my parents for supper when they come to visit so they can meet them all. This guy said to call him because he'd love to, as his roommates are gone and he's lonely this week.
I was also going to meet up with a guy from match.com tonight, but cancelled as he was making some odd comments on the phone. I felt bad about cancelling, and this guy tried to cheer me up about it all night. He also bought me a couple of drinks, tried to "nonchalantly" touch me or brush my arm, and we rode back together (he let me drive his car as he had too much to drink.)
So... what's going on here? I'm confused. Should I invite him (along with the others) to come eat with my parents? He's a social studies teacher, and my parents and I plan on visiting a history museum this week. Should I invite him with since he's bored/lonely? (To be kind, no expecations?)
All the sudden I have all these guys who are interested, and dates lined up. This is the guy I've liked from the start. Any feedback would be appreciated!
Thanks in advance!
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That's SO how it happens, isn't it? You can be dying of thirst and suddenly you're in a waterfall. Seems to me like every time I say "yeah, let's date exclusively" to a woman, suddenly there's babes EVERYWHERE.
Not.
Um, so anyway... I think you should just get him drunk sometime and sleep with him. That'll really move things along! LOL
No? Okay, maybe not.
Look, here's the deal- if your best friend wasn't dating HIS best friend, would you feel okay going out with him? Then go ahead and do it. Make it happen. Do the junior high school routine and tell your best friend to tell her boyfriend to tell his best friend that you like him, and he should meet you at your locker after school so you can hold hands. :)
No, seriously... what you should do is pretty simple- just talk to him. Say "look, I know this seems awkward, but I am attracted to you and would be delighted if you were to ask me out. If it doesn't work out, hey, that's fine- we can still be friends and our best friends don't have to break up with each other or whatever!"
If you keep it all really open and above the table, then it should be a lot easier to manage if it works or if it doesn't work. Look at it this way- what if you and him work out, and your respective best friends do NOT work out?! You never really know the combinations of what could happen...
...so you have to act on the chances for happiness that are in front of you when they're there.
I vote for "make it known" and go for it. Right now, you're not dating him, and if it doesn't work out, you still won't be dating him, but if it DOES work out, you could be winding up with a great guy and partner.
So pass him a note through your best friend and her boyfriend and get on with it! ;)
Thanks so much for replying... I seriously can't sleep! My head is spinning and I'm mildly hung over. :P
It was funny too because last week his other friend told me that I was supposed to call him. So I did, and left a message, but he never got back to me. :S
He did tell my friend that he's "decided" to leave it as friends, but who knows. And tonight when I was bumming over the match guy, he said he's dating a gal who is in a nasty divorce and has two kids (oofda...) but maybe he just said that because I mentioned another guy? This all seems way too convenient. :S
So you really think I should lay it all out and be specific, or should I invite him with my parents and I this week? (I thought according to HJNTIY guys don't like forwardness, they prefer the run around and not direct expressed interest?)
Thanks again for your honest answers!
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Still mildly hung over. Who knew St. Party's partying could cause me major boy drama?
No luck of the Irish for me!
Sort of but sort of not.
I think I'll go for a run.
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Ah again!
So he's going with me to get my parents from the airport (I don't want to go alone, and his roommates are gone so he's bored.)
When he called me back replying to my voicemail asking him if he wanted to come with, he said, "Did you get them yet?" I said no. And he said, "Yeah I'll totally go with you if you'd like company. It's something to do, that's the main thing. It's something to do other than sit at home."
So now it's like... during the drive up do I address that I know he's considered/considering dating me? Or do I just play it cool and treat him like a friend? Bottom line, I don't want anything to be akward. I've always kind of liked him. I just feel like I'm getting mixed signals.
Help!
Thanks!
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Wow, did you just type "oofda" in your post? You must be Norwegian! Cool! I have relatives in North Dakota that say the same thing...
Anyway, if I remember correctly, according to HJNTIY guys do want to chase- but at the same time they don't want a woman who plays games. I think the point that Greg was trying to make in the book is that the woman shouldn't ask the guy OUT- he's supposed to do the asking.
My point is this- it sounds like this guy WOULD ask you out, like he's kind of interested, but the whole best friend boyfriend/girlfriend thing is complicating it.
So the reason I say you should just let him know you're into him and would date him is then it puts the ball into his court. Plus, like you said, there's some mixed signals; you guys are buddies and maybe he's sensing you're into him, but he's not sure if that's really what he's reading because of the whole multiple-friends thing.
I say just be open and friendly. If he doesn't ask you out, well, then you won't have to worry about that whole bit anymore, and you can get on with just being friends with him and your BFF and his BFF and so forth.
And if he DOES ask you out, hey, now you've got a date this weekend! ;)
So by "be open and friendly" I don't mean that YOU ask him out... just that you let him know you're interested in him "that way" and that you'd be happy (and say yes) if he were to ask you on a date.
That way you get to stick with the book's advice (let him do the asking). Guys don't want to get a big-time runaround; we might want to do the asking and kind of "chase" and hunt, but we don't want to be chasing girls that don't want us chasing them. If that makes sense.
It's the difference between being a stalker and just being the initiator in the whole dance, you know?
Thanks for replying again, hjntiy!
Well, he went with me to the airport. We laughed the whole way there! We were talking about relationships in general at one point, and he said, "yeah there's a gal back home I want to see if we can reconnect this summer." (She's back in NY! He's in Nevada!) He's like, there's really no one out here I'm that into, I'm having horrible luck. :S
He and my parents had a lot of fun talking (as did I with him.) We all went out to eat and even lost my car in the lot at one point, which he went and found for me. He also carried my parents' luggage.
At one point he asked me where I am in the family, and I said the eldest. To that he said, "ah. there must be something about the eldes." and I said, "are you insulting me again?! (jokingly?)" and he said, "far from. If I'm teasing you, I'll make it obvious." So I'm not sure what that meant.
AND he was like, "I'm so glad you called and invited me." He was more playful tonight, too. Poking and what not. Hmmm.
Who knows where it will go from here? I was super close to laying it all on the table, but just felt things out and decided it didn't feel right. I invited him out with my parents for cripes sake. And he accepted. You'd think that'd mean a little something?
Tomorrow he has volleyball. A week ago on the journey up there with my other friend is when he told her he's considering dating me. He invited me to go with them tomorrow. Should I go, or just lay low? I'm sure my friend will dish for info (even though I've said not to.)
Hmmm. It's like one hurdle after another with this situation!
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If you like him and you're free, go. Don't play games. Take it one day at a time and see where it goes. I personally wouldn't lay it all on the table, I'd let things develop slowly. Sometimes people like to work their way into things so let's see what happens.
And keep us posted!!!
So my friend called me (the gal who is kind of in the middle) and I asked her if anything came up tonight. The guy told her that he went with me yesterday to get my parents. To that, my gal friend said, "Meeting the parents and you're not even dating yet!? That's cute!" and he laughed and said, "Yeah we're really good friends."
Then she specified that when he told her about considering dating me, he meant as in he considered it back when we'd first met. Then he became really good friends with my roommates, and decided he didn't want to risk losing the friendships.
I'm pissed off right now. That ALWAYS happens to me! Guys or guy friends get interested and they don't want to ruin the friendship. I'm so sick of that crap. It's the story of my life. I can't even count how many times that has happened. I told my gal friend that I wish she'd never said anything to me at all about it. Why does that keep happening to me? Why won't people just take a chance?
We're the only two single people in our group of friends. We have the same morals. He told me himself the he and his best friend were talking about how he and I want the same things in a relationship, and they talked about that just two nights ago.
What the heck? Why do I feel like God or fate keeps dangling stuff like this in front of my face then taking it away? I apologize for whining but I've always kind of liked him and when I found out he may be interested, it just blew me away. I just think it'd work out awesomely all around.
I feel like crying.
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Hi, I understand your frustration. Truly.
Let me ask you to consider something... what if Fate or God is putting this situation in your face to let you know that good people do exist? What if this situation is meant to prep you for the real thing? And it's not about teasing you with the situation but rather giving you some hope? I think you're disappointment may be coming from the fact that you've grown attached to the outcome of being with this guy when maybe that's not the point of him being in your life...
Nothing is ever written in stone. And this situation has not come to its conclusion. No one really knows the outcome, so breathe easy. If it's not with this guy, I can tell you that it will be with someone else...
Stick around and definitely share when you need to. We're here if you need us.
Thanks for your reply.
My gal friend came over last night and was apologizing for the mix up. She said when she teases him about us dating, he doesn't get mad. He smiles and laughs. He told her he really enjoyed spending time with me and talked a lot about our afternoon together. This gal friend of mine said she's going to keep casually mentioning me and mildly suggesting he ask me out. I said whatever, as long as she's not pushy or annoying.
She also said lately he's been dating dumb gals, and it's time for him to date someone decent. My gal friend also said I should try to hang around him a little more often. Last week when the topic came up he asked her, "Well, what does she think of me?" she answered with, "She thinks you're a great friend, which is girl code for, if you asked her out, she'd totally go." and he replied with, "Are you sure that's girl code?!" He also asked her about some guy in NY that she is trying to hook me up with. She told him she was just being silly, and he lives too far away. My gal friend also said, make it subtley known that you are dating. Maybe the competition will get him to make a move. Don't guys usually shy away when another guy is pursuing a gal?
My gal friend said the same thing... that there is still probably potential here. I've been single for a great while (by choice) and it's just time. When we all hang out, we're this guy and I are the only two single people and we always end up sitting by eachother and talking. It just feels like it makes sense.
He and I dating has always made sense to me, but I figured he'd never be interested. Now that I know he at least once was, it frustrates me that he chose to not do something about it. This has happened to me a million times! I know good people exist. I do have hope. Why do opportunities keep getting dangled over my head? There's a purpose for this, I just want to know what it is, and whether he's totally set on us being just friends, or if he's still a little interested, but afraid to take a risk.
Thanks again for your reply... I'm feeling a little better!
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