Tell me they're shy
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Tell me they're shy
| Sun, 03-18-2007 - 8:03am |
I've put up a new ad on cl. I find this is the best way to meet new men on-line as long as you're specific about what you're looking for, which I am. I was just wondering, why do a lot of men bother to tell me that they're shy? It's not exactly something that turns me on though it doesn't turn me off either. I used to be quite shy and can still be in certain situations but find that it's not the kind of thing to mention if you want to entice someone. Besides, everyone I meet tells me I'm very friendly and not shy at all even though in my head, I still sometimes think I am. Just wondering, is this some kind of warning that they want me to pursue them or...I don't know what? I really like as assertive man so this is why I tend to not like it if men say that. Opinions please...

I think a lot of guys say "I'm shy" because they're not feeling 100% confident in their ability to woo a woman. So by saying "I'm shy" they are saying "I don't know if I'm doing this whole wooing thing entirely right, so cut me a break."
Which, if you think about it, is both very reasonable and very much a weenie thing to say. An assertive guy is just going to put himself out there, as he is, without saying something like that; if you don't like him or it, tough!
But at the same time, there ARE a lot of perfectly nice guys out there who might make great dates who ARE shy and not all that great at doing the whole dating dance, the whole back and forth and trying to flirt and stuff. You'd hate to miss a really awesome guy because he was a bit shy, right?
Thinking about it, there's probably more shy guys doing OLD than IRL. OLD lends itself to shy people! There's no up-front and personal confrontation. Rejection, if that's what happens, happens when you're alone at home in front of your monitor. And a guy (or a shy girl) can sit and craft a much wittier, funnier email over time than they can come up with great lines in person- instantly.
My advice? Don't worry too much about the whole "I'm shy" thing either way. Just run with it and if the other stuff about a guy interests you, stay in contact. Besides, you can't really tell if someone is "shy" without meeting them in person at least once or twice, right?
Oh yeah, another thought- if we watch too much TV or movies, in popular culture everyone seems to be all suave and smooth and sophisticated. The guys come up with really witty, funny, attractive lines, and the women are a perfect mix of flirty and sassy and sexy and cute and smart.
In real life, we say stupid things, we trip over cracks in the sidewalk, and we think of the BEST line... after the girl has already gone away. D*** it! So I guess ultimately I come down on the side of the "I'm shy" guys. After all, we're all a little bit like that inside, aren't we? Or most of us are, anyway!
Here's a good example... me. Yeah, I seem pretty forward here, and in my new "I'm only dating IRL instead of OLD for a while" I'm trying to be more blunt and flirty in public... but it's hard to change old habits! I met a really cute girl the other day and did NOT ask her out... even though I noticed that she kind of tripped over her words a few times.
If I'd thought about it right then, I'd have realized that she was a bit flustered. Now, I'm not George Clooney, but I think she might have been a bit into me and dang it, I should have just gone for it.
So the next time I see her, pow, I'm going for it. In fact I might just call up her business (it's a jeweler, I went in to get my watch band sized right) and ask her boss for her number or something. (Her boss was working on my watch and when I said I was single she pointed and said "there's some single girls working here!")
Man, for all the talk I do about needing a big flashing sign, there were a couple in front of me that day! What is wrong with me?!?
I guess I'm just a bit shy. ;)
The book HJNTIY would say that a guy who wants to add you to his IM list but who isn't asking you out ON DATES isn't that into you anyway.
There's nothing wrong with IM, there's nothing wrong with text messaging and cell phones, there's nothing wrong with your PDA, just like there's nothing wrong with email and nothing wrong with good old fashioned telephones.
But when it comes to men and women and dating and such, the point of all these slick devices is that they should be used by a guy to contact a girl and get a date. If he's not dating you, he's not into you.
If a guy is truly "too shy" to ask you out, then he's not dating you anyway, so what's the point? Ignore them when they say they're shy and just pay attention to whether or not they're trying to date you. :)