Boy do I need some help!! Please ...
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Boy do I need some help!! Please ...
| Fri, 09-08-2006 - 4:35pm |
Okay, so I really need some input at this stage. I was in a long-term relationship until a year ago. I am 29 and my previous relationships were before I was 20, so I have been out of the real dating scene for a while. After I broke up with my bf a year ago I was appalled at how men behaved ... asking me on dates but not offering to pick me up or asking me to meet up with them and their friends at a bar, asking me to hang out versus go on a real date and wanting to have sex right away. I got freaked out so I swore off men for a while. I was single from Aug. 05 to May 06, when I met back up with a college friend. It was easy and non-threatening. I knew him so I didn't have to worry about the rules. Well, it didn't work out and now I am back to Square One. Three weeks ago I met a man when I was out for my best friend's 30th birthday party. He is 36, going on 37, very successful and exactly my type physically. We had tons in common and went out a few times and had such a great time together. Things were progressing very nicely and then last Friday night we had sex. Unfortunately it had been some time since he had slept with a woman and he pre-ejaculated. It was horribly embarrassing for both of us. In the morning we went to breakfast and he acted weird. He hadn't been to my house yet so I invited him to come by and check it out later (I have been doing some renovations and we'd talked extensively about it). He acted like he didn't want to come and I said it was no big deal ... then at 8 pm that night he called and said he was on his way over. He showed up with flowers but proceeded to ignore me while he was there pretty much. I am a photographer and I showed him my photos and he didn't comment about any of them ... not a single word. He seemed concerned that my house is bigger than his. After we watched a movie he couldn't get out of my house fast enough. The next day I was out shopping and ended up buying a dining room table. I assumed my dad and brother could help but my brother was MIA. I called several guy friends but since it was a holiday weekend I coudln't reach anyone. I left him a message saying if he had time could he help bring a table from my car to my house. I had no intention of this being a date or using it as a ploy to introduce him to my parents. He didn't call back. Mind you from the time I met him he was the one being very forward, sending multiple emails, texts and calling every single day saying very mushy things. I was the one keeping it all in perspective. So he didnt' call me back, text or email all day. I sent a text later and said I didn't need his help, I'd managed to get the table in with the help of my mom and dad combined. He texted back said "glad it worked out. I was busy." Very cool, totally out of character. The next day I called him and asked him what was up. He was being very aloof. Then he flew off the handle and said I was getting too serious and we didn't have to spend 24 hours a day together and he wasn't ready for a serious relationship since he'd just gotten divorced (9 months ago). I said well, okay then and hung up. The next day he called me at work and said he wanted to tell me good luck on my first day of graduate school. Then the next day he called me again and said we'd had a misunderstanding, that he still wanted to "hang out" with me and do things together, he just wanted to slow it down. I asked him to define hanging out and he described dating but he won't call it that. I told him I am not interested in being buds or providing him with the benefits of a girlfriend while he doesn't have any responsibility for my feelings. He said he was busy all weekend except for Sunday and we made plans to take our dogs to the dog park. He was sure to mention that he has to leave by 5:30 for a volleyball game. He also asked me to go to a concert on Thursday. It just sucks because he went from on fire to luke warm overnight. I don't feel special anymore, just insecure about how he feels about me. Is he just not that into me? If he's not why is he still making plans? Is he just embarrassed by what happened in the bedroom? What should I do? I don't want to be his Plan B and I don't want to have speed dates. He doesn't text me or email me. When we talk it's very matter of fact. I am so confused. This is so frustrating. I really liked him but some of the things he says makes me think I am setting myself up for hurt but a guy friend says he is probably gun shy because of his divorce and he's laying a foundation for a relationship down the road. He also offered to help me paint my house. BUT we are not going on a date Friday or Sat. That's another thing I asked him ... are we still going to go out on the weekends? And he said yes but so far we are doing something on Sunday and Thursday. I have no idea what I'm doing or what the rules are or where he's coming from. Any advice????

"He's just not that into you." Really, he only wants to talk to you or hang out with you on his terms. He doesn't care so much about how you feel. He's looking for a casual dating thing....with sex, but no responsibility.
You can do better than that.
I'm fresh out of advice for that one... in fact, I need some advice on that one... LOL!... except that it's really not a laughing-LOL!- matter, is it?
I, too, slept with someone back in March--long story with lots of details, but... although "the moment" when it happened was hasty, we had talked extensively about having sex.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I'm amazed that you don't realize how much in the driver's seat you really are.