How can someone you just met do this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
How can someone you just met do this??
3
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 10:32am

Ok here's the story everyone… First of all, go easy on me because I was hesitant to even post this here because I'm so embarrassed about it, but I feel really bad about it so I'm hoping you ladies can give me some good uplifting advice. Here's the story…

I have been single for a year now and have just recently begun dating again. I've been going on a few dates here and there, nothing has really gotten past the first meet stage except for one person who agreed to be friends with me even though there was no "spark" there in that way on my end. I made this abundantly clear from the start, but he insisted that he understood and that he enjoyed my company and liked me too much as a person to lose me as a friend so he'd rather have me in his life like that than nothing at all. Fine. So we met up one more time and just walked around the mall and caught the football game at a restaurant while having lunch. It was a nice time, but after that I kept just catching him in all sorts of stupid lies online. I told him he didn’t even need to lie to me because I wasn’t his girlfriend. That part is not important, let's just say this man is a compulsive liar and leave it at that.

Anyway, last night I don’t know how, but I allowed this person to bring me to tears and upset me beyond belief with something he said. We got in an argument over the lying and the word "respect" came up. So I told him he didn’t respect anyone but himself. I told him he didn’t respect me and he said outright "no, I don’t". I was absolutely stunned and floored. For some reason that just froze me and brought me to tears. This is not the first time he has said something to upset me and then just later apologized. He then later admitted that the reason for his actions was partly because he was a little mad all along that he had feelings for me and I didn’t have them back for him. I told him that is not my fault, I was upfront from minute one and if he didn’t think he could handle it he could've told me and walked and I would've completely understood. Theres things that I'm leaving out too. Like the fact that he bought me a $350 coach bag as a "gift" (when he told me about it I told him I refused to take it)… So I finally came to the realization "why am I allowing this person that I just met pretty much to bring me to this level of upset? Something is wrong… I am not going to allow this" - and I hung up the phone on him.

It was funny because I have a date tomorrow night that I'm very excited about, he sounds very nice, calls when he says he will, we had fun on the phone, so far so good, etc. and he called right after I hung up on this other one. Then while I was on the phone with him (trying to hide the fact that I'd been crying) - the other guy kept ringing in. He then left me a text message at 6am this morning that said "I'm sorry for upsetting you". How is it that we can sometimes allow virtual strangers to hurt us so bad? And this guy keeps on trying to contact me now, but I havent answered since I hung up on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 09-22-2006 - 11:03am

I think that you gave him an honest chance... but some people just can't get past that they feel like thy have to lie, elaborate, hurt and apologize.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 8:28am

Hi Everyone,

Just an update on everything... FIRST (lol), no I did not keep (or even accept) the bag. No way was I gonna accept it and let this guy have something to hold over my head. Second, I have not answered any of his calls/texts/emails since that last time I hung up on him. And he hasnt really stopped trying. It's not a constant thing, but here and there i'm getting stuff. I'm sure it'll stop once he sees i'm really serious about not wanting to talk to him ever again. Oh, and about that other date I was so excited about?? That guy completely blew me off. I called him saturday just like we planned, and he says to me "oh, i'm JUST JUST about to get in the shower, can I call you back?" and I go "yeah, I was just calling to see if we're still on for tonight" and he goes "yeah, definately, i'll call you back" and guess what... no call. This from a guy who pursued ME first and wasted my time on the phone saying how excited he was to meet me. I dont know... Sometimes I just dont understand. Oh well. But hey, I have something else already set up for Tuesday lol... Hopefully this one wont cancel or blow me off ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 11:19am

Wow!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~