Getting So Discouraged and Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Getting So Discouraged and Frustrated
5
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 8:25am

I guess i'm just here to vent and see if anyone else is feeling the same way I am or has ever felt this way. I just turned 30 years old and basically my situation is that all of my friends have someone and arent into the whole "going out" scene anymore. Also, none of them know anyone to try and introduce me to. Eveyone is always saying "you're such a great person and you're so pretty, how come you're single?" well, the answer is I DONT KNOW! I know it's hard with my limited way of meeting people (i'm kind of limited to online dating because of my situation) but i'm having no luck with this avenue either. And the even more disheartening thing is EVERY ONE of my friends has someone. Even the guys. I'm the only single one. I've been single for a year now (some of that by choice) but now i'm ready to meet someone to be with and it just seems I have absolutely no luck in this department and i'm getting so discouraged and frustrated now, sometimes I just want to cry. And I kind of feel like i'm getting older and time is sort of running out you know? I mean, I know 30 is not old, but you know what I mean. So basically i'm stuck with online dating, i've tried every way on here pretty much, and had no luck. I dont know what to do anymore. I almost feel like i'm never going to meet anyone. Have any of you felt like this ever?? What do you do? Does anyone have any suggestions or words that might shed a different light on this?

Thanks
~J

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 1:48pm

What happens when you go out that makes your dates unsuccessful? Alot of guys don't want to hear about how a woman is looking to get married or be in a serious relationship on the first date. To them it seems like the woman is desparate and they feel threatened by that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 1:52pm

I know exactly how you feel. I have been in that same rut for 2 years now and I'm 42 years old. I love it when everyone tells you, when it's ment to be you will find the right guy. Ok, how do I know I didn't pass him up because I had an attitude about how stupid men can be that day?

When I was 30 and a single mom (kids at home) I went with parents groups mainly to find more single friends and more single people to have fun with, with kids. Well at that time I met some great men. I dated 1 until he decided he was taking a job in Texas to live back by his kids (best for him, bad for me). I suggest you try other avenues. Single parents groups through church organizations and even your local library.

Sometimes when you try too hard you will never find what you really are looking for.

I posted a message as frustrated and asking for help and know that taking your own advise is a killer, but sometimes we just try too hard and miss what is really there.

Good luck and don't get too discouraged. Being 42 and single is a killer, and I've been single since 1998.

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 3:44pm
I suggest reading "Why Men Love Bitches" and also "Love Smart" by Dr. Phil. Both are great books because they teach you about learning what YOU want and who you are and that leads to more successful dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 8:46pm
Nearly all of my friends are married or in a serious relationship. Yeah, it sucks sometimes. But, I refuse to let my happiness depend on meeting somebody. Life is too short to be wallowing in self-pity. Yes, I get lonely sometimes. Yes, it is very hard being a single parent.
Last week I was feeling very down about some things in my life. One of our patient's Dads walked in the door. I had heard he had cancer, but hadn't seen him in awhile. He was a single parent who always made sure his daughter made it to therapy sessions no matter what. We were both involved in a custody battle at the same time. Anyway, he looked awful. He is in his early 30's and probably will not make it. It was all I could do not to bawl in front of him. His daughter (who has Down's) may end up with his ex wife, who is a drug abuser.
I don't mean to ramble or sound preachy, but this was a huge wake up call for me. Just try to remember that there are alot of people in much worse circumstances than ours.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 5:13pm
I can't say I know what to do either because i could have written your post. I am almost 31 and just can't seem to find that person either. I have a couple of single friends so that's good but even some of them are starting to find their right ones and it seems as if I'll be the last one. I've tried everything in my power as well and nothing seems to work. I throw my hands up in the air, that's all I do. I wish I had more advice for you. I guess all I do is keep trucking and keep hoping that he's out there and try my best to look at all the other blessings I have. I wish I had more advice for you but I know how you feel and I'm just as frustrated. Dating is not fun at all I'm realizing. I mean it's cool and all to go out and meet new people but in the end it's just frustrating when yet again the person you went on dates with is not the one for you.