Please read..Got into Trouble, need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Please read..Got into Trouble, need help
4
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 8:46am

Hey everyone,

I thought maybe you ladies could offer a little advice and help for my situation. Here it is. I'm going to cut it VERY short. Basically, I do not drink often (because I know that once I start drinking it's very hard for me to stop, so I usually just like to avoid it altogether). Anyway, when I do drink and get drunk, I tend to do some irresponsible things. Well, this weekend I went out with a couple of friends of mine and we somehow got separated in the club. There was a lot of people and the 3 of us were all intoxicated the last time I saw them. I had met this guy. We started dancing together and ended up staying together in the club the rest of the night. My one friend came over to me and told me she had to leave. I remember saying "ok" to her. I couldn't find my other friend after that, so me and the guy just kept dancing. I was extremely drunk by then. Next thing I know we're outside in my car having unprotected sex. I'm so sorry everyone, I'm tearing up as I type this. I know you're probably all saying "what a stupid ass she is". I'm not blaming the alcohol here, but I will say if I had been sober I would never have allowed this to happen. The worst part is I remember him saying over and over "let's go get some condoms, I don’t wanna get you pregnant" and I was the one who pushed it and we ended up "taking the risk". This happened on Friday and I felt so ashamed of myself and my actions that I didn’t even get out of bed all weekend after that. Plus now I'm scared out of my mind what if this guy has HIV or some other horrible STD?? What have I done?? How could I have been so stupid? Putting my health in jeopardy like that? So for now all I can do is wait. Wait atleast 3 months and go get a round of testing for everything, but what do I do in the meantime?? What do I do to make this long wait not so painful?? I just want to know if I'm ok. I've already made the decision that I am going to stop drinking completely. Anyway, the story gets worse…
I'm home last night and my phone rings. It was the guy. He starts telling me what an awesome time he had, how good we "meshed", etc, and basically would I like to hang out again. Then we started talking about all the stuff we remembered that was said. I said "I remember asking you if you have a girlfriend" he said "do you remember what I said?" and I said "you told me no" he was quiet. I said "you don’t, right?" he said "would you be mad if I told you I did?" I said "do you?" he said it again… "would you be mad if I told you I did?" I said "answer the question" and he said the part that I keep hearing over and over again, even today. "yes, I do"… I was absolutely STUNNED. It would've been better had he just left it as was, me thinking he didn’t, taking it as a one night stand, and just not calling again. But no, here he tried to call me back and see if I wanted to "hang out just for fun" again… Man, if I didn’t mention the gf thing, I don’t think he would've either. So he goes "no, I really do like you and I'd like to be friends atleast" I was so disgusted and upset, I started crying on the phone. He goes "listen, I'm gonna call you in a few days to make sure you're ok" and I said "no, don’t ever call me again, just leave me alone" and I hung up on him and just pretty much cried the rest of the night for feeling so used. I should've known something was up when he wouldn't give me his phone #. I even said to him "so that's why you wouldn't give me your #" and he admitted to that...How could I let this happen to myself?? Please don’t come down too hard on me for this ladies, because don’t think for one second that I don’t know how stupid what I've done is. I hurt not only my physical self, but also my mental self here and I know that. I just wanted to see if anyone has anything to offer here because I could really use some help right about now..

Thanks
~J

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 9:52am

Hi there!


I'd think this would be one of those times when you'd want to "keep your enemies close".


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:11am

Hi,

Well unfortunately like I said, this guy (apparently because he had a girlfriend and I guess he didnt want any calls from me) - refused to give me his phone # and both times he called me he restricted his number (probably did a *67 or something) so it did not come up. All I know about this guy unfortunately is his first name and that he lives in Brooklyn, NY (which doesnt help me much because brooklyn is pretty big, and pretty far from where I live on Long Island. So you see, I have no choice but to just wait and get tested in the 3 and 6 months without contacting him. He left me no way of contacting him obviously because he knew he was doing wrong the whole time and didnt want his gf to find out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 12:45pm
I say just try and relax and take it one day at a time. Okay, so you had unprotected sex. Plenty of people do and they live through it. Maybe he DOESN'T have an STD. Maybe you DIDN'T get pregnant. Maybe everything will be okay and you can just walk away from the experience and not talk with the guy again. I know it will feel like a long few weeks until you can test for pregnancy, but do you know where you were in your cycle?? If you do that will help you right there to fill in some blanks. Then yes, get swabbed for STDs. Fine - life will go on. Keep posting - we're here for you and we've all done stupid things too -- me, I've liked a guy for ... almost two years now who could not care less about me! See? Stupid!!!! Love Fzz
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 1:05pm
Hi I'm not a girl but I the best advice I can give you is to pray and hope. Everyone makes mistakes. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just learn from it and move on. You gotta be smarter out there.