Counseling needed
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| Tue, 10-17-2006 - 10:04pm |
I need some help here. I am a wreck. I am not in a good place. It's been almost a year since my divorce was final. Why is it I am having so much trouble trying to get over this? I found out my ex had a "friend" he met almost 2 years ago at a school reunion. I fou, the nd out two months ago that he had made plane reservations to go visit her while she was STILL MARRIED -- the reservations were made a week before out divorce was final. I was devastated when I found out because now I learned that they talked online for almost two years. She lives 3,000 miles away and divorced her husband two months after we got our divorce. I know and he knows in his heart he would having a fit if this was me getting on a plane to go see someone every 8 weeks. Do these long distance rebound relationships work? Supposedly she is staying in her home town because of her 22 year old son who is in a drug rehab program. I don't know maybe it's me but sometimes I feel like I am Plan B. There are reasons that I feel like we are not really through yet -- he got the divorce, he is coloring his hair, bought a new sports car -- everyone who knows hims says this is classic midlife crisis.
I need some help getting through some emotions -- like trust -- why do I feel like I was betrayed -- which i feel i was -- just because they weren't physical doesn't mean they weren't cheating. Am I nuts or am I just going through the typical steps of coming to grips with the divorce?
God I hope I don't sound like a lunatic.

Hi bonnie, I'm sad to hear that you are having such trouble. If your husband was chatting online to this woman before you decided to divorce then he was having an 'emotional affair'. May I suggest you take a look at the "betrayed spouses Support" board and post a longer version of your story there?
Best wishes, Julian.
Honey, you're not the lunatic.... HE IS!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
You WERE betrayed! I know that it sucks - I was betrayed too. I also know that I am now BETTER OFF and SO MUCH HAPPIER without my ex.
You are definately not crazy, but what concerns me are your statements "when we are together" and "feel like I'm Plan B". Are you still spending time with your ex?
IMHO - which is obviously not an "expert" one - I don't think your ex's "mid-life" crises is keeping you from getting over this - but the fact that you are still good friends probably is. If my ex and I had still been best friends we would never have separated. Did the two of you go to counseling before the divorce?
I share two young children with my ex so I see him a few times a week. However we are not friends, we respect each other as our children's other parent - and that is it. If it bothers you that he comes over and "hangs out" with you and the boys - you need to set some boundaries and and ask your ex to respect them. Do your boys spend time with your ex at his "new" place - or are these visits the primary time that your boys see their father?