Miss my girlfriends

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Registered: 10-10-2006
Miss my girlfriends
2
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 10:53pm
O.k. so my marriage fizzled after
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 10:30am

I


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 5:13pm

Crissycat, I can relate, but I don't have any easy answers.

I got divorced 18 years ago, but had some available single friends at the time, so it wasn't too bad. But I have found that in the time since, I have lost several girlfriends who have gotten married or started dating someone. And even though I have lived here my whole life, I find it harder the older I get (I'm 52) to find available friends. I don't care if they're married or not, and I'm happy enough to socialize with couples, but there seems to be a real dividing line in the singles and couples world.

I miss my girlfriends too. I haven't been in a relationship in a really long time, and for so long I really counted on my girlfriends for not only company and someone to go do things with, but also as support and philosophical discussion. So I'm very lonely right now. I don't have kids and I'm not especially close to my family, so it's been tough. I hope it's not this tough for you. I think it's really crummy of your friends to not support you at a time like this, but I'm not surprised. But it's like you need to talk to another newly-divorced woman (or man, possibly). I think some people just have a really hard time listening to another's grief, and I think with divorce, you have to talk about it a lot. This is not something that you just get over in six months. I found that my whole life changed after my divorce. It's like it affected every aspect of every relationship in my life.

As to where to go, well, that can be a challenge. I don't know how long you've been divorced, but perhaps there's a "Coping With Divorce" class/seminar you can attend? I've met girlfriends at work, and at professional functions. I also met a few in a class I took at the local women's center. And of course, if you have some hobbies (like rafting or line dancing or whatever) that would be a place. And church, if you like church. But I think it can be kind of hard to meet women that you really like and have things in common with and can really talk to....I don't think those kinds of friends come along frequently, sad to say. But of course, you can also have more "activity" kinds of friends or even groups of friends. I know too that in some cities (not mine) there's an organization called the Single Gourmet that meets at different really nice restaurants....it's for men and women. Oh, and I met some friends on a singles trip to Europe once.

Sorry this is going on so long.

Here are two books you might find useful: "What Did I do Wrong? When Women Don't Tell Each Other the Friendship is Over" and "Best Friends." Both of these books offer tremendous insight into female friendship.

I don't want to give up on female friendship, but my experience has shown that even friends that you thought you would never lose can disappear from your life. I suppose I have a bit more wary view now, sad to say. Anyway, good luck.