I'm bummed out

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
I'm bummed out
5
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 5:37am

A couple months ago I started dating this GREAT guy, and I totally blew it. I froze with this one....didn't know what I wanted because I liked him so much, and I was indecisive, and chased him away. I just had such a great vibe, and I'm so mad at myself, and I can't/don't have the foggiest idea how I could ever fix things. We got along so well, he felt the same, but I was fresh back into the dating game, and just couldn't handle things. Now I just feel bummed out, and hurt.

Today I saw him at the grocery store. I was with my daughter, and I tried to rush once the cashier rang my items through, hoping I could get through before him, so he wouldn't see me (he was at a different cashier). I think he saw me before in the store, and then tried to get out at the same time I did. Some how we were leaving at the same time, and I tried not to go through the same door, and was focussing on not looking at him, and went through the in door, LOL. He came across to where I was and I could tell he was trying to talk to me (he was looking and smiling, and was about to say something), so I turned my head (as we were walking shoulder to shoulder), and started talking to my daughter. He was parked right by me too...and I could hear him making a sigh noise trying to get my attention (like the noise someone makes right before they are going to say something). I threw my stuff in the car, grabbed my daughter, and walked to the phone store. I feel like such an idiot, LOL. I'm hoping that he just bought me pretending not to notice him, LOL. I already appologized to him about things a month ago, and never got a phone call back....so I didn't want to face him. I was JUST thinking yesterday that I'm starting to get over it, why the heck would I have to see him today? I liked this guy so much that it made me a dork, and blow it in the first place....and now this.....ugggh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 12:03pm
What in the heck happened that caused you two to stop seeing each other. Sounds like he likes you still.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 3:59pm
It kind of sounds like the guy wanted to say something.... what would be wrong with a smile and "hello"?

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 7:15pm

Well....I don't know, LOL.

Okay...the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw him was "oh $%$#, he's going to think I'm stalking him", so that's partly why I ignored him fully (I also just ran in on my way home from the gym, and wasn't looking my best, and my daughter was throwing a tantrum, LOL). What's weird was I just had a feeling I was going to see him that day, but at the same time I wasn't actually expecting to.

The reason why we stopped talking was because I was indecisive at the time, I was nervous, and then I guess I tried to compensate by being too much. Then I got mad at him for a STUPID reason, and then he reacted. I actually didn't want things to move so quickly, but I thought he did....I was just having a really bad week too on top of it, and then messed things up. I wrote him an email appologizing, and saying I just wasn't ready. I also phoned and left an answering machine message saying "I'm really sorry, if you want give me a call feel free". He DEFINETLY felt a very strong connection (and yes it was real, and we got along so perfectly up until I went weird on him because of nerves, and stress). I also appologized too quickly, and things were too fresh....now I am sure even if he wanted to phone or something he would feel weird, and after already appologizing I'de feel like an idiot too. Uggh, I also messaged him with a simple "I miss you" a week after. I think he was pretty mad at me.....actually I have NOOOOO idea what he thinks, and I have NO idea how what I wrote in the appology came accross. In his last email to me he complained about me being mad over something so silly, told me I made him feel stupid, and told me to have a nice thanksgiving anyways (I'm Canadian). I am pretty sure he got really scared I was going to hurt him, because I was going between being hot and then cold.

I created a HUGE misunderstanding, and I would do almost anything to be able to go back and fix this. My actions weren't based on how I was feeling, and I just panicked and reacted.

I should add that when we were together we both felt eachother was THE one. I've NEVER felt such a huge good gut feeling as I had about him, and I CANNOT believe that I messed things up the way I did, just because I was nervous. Now I'm not saying that I loved him, but I just know in my heart he's who I'm supposed to grow old with, and he felt the same (he expressed that many times as well). I have experienced "infactuation" in a relatioship, but this was totally different. I think pretty much what happened is we felt it, and got scared, and once I reacted out of panic, it made him panic and bolt. We just made a mess, that I started. We had such a good thing, and then went stupid because of fear. I wasn't ready for the kind of feelings I had...so when I had a bit of outside stress added I put my foot in my mouth.

Now I have NOOOO clue what to do, I'm just stuck. I don't know what he thinks of me now, and I do NOT want to push anything. In my heart I feel like we will be together again when the time is actually right, but I'm also scared to death that we won't. I'm scared that he thinks badly of me now...and that really stings. It's weird I'm worried that he'll find someone else, but I'm also worried that I will. And no, I'm NOT stalking him, but he is on my mind a LOT, and I really do miss him soooo much. I just can't get over him, and I was trying so hard (I hate feeling like this), and I *thought* I was maybe making a little progress, and then I saw him. It almost feels like some kind of weird sign in a way, and that really doesn't help any. And the fact that I ignored him makes me feel like an even bigger fool.

I'm really scared of the strong feelings I have for him, and I'm scared of my intuition, and now I'm scared that he hates me. I seriously feel like I have tampered with fate, and now I'm paying the price.
Really....I'm a mess over this, and don't feel like I have any options. I have never been so broken hearted, it feels aweful!

Sorry this is so sappy....




Edited 11/9/2006 7:20 pm ET by dryginger_007
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 7:28pm
I also should add that the week I started to feel nervous, and react he said to me in an email "PLEASE just relax, don't do this to us. Please just let this happen, I want to be with you, and this is right, don't make it wrong". He wrote that the day before I destroyed everything....he felt it coming I guess. Rrrr, I don't know what to do??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 10:43am
I don't get this at all -- you really liked a guy, YOU say you screwed it up, so then when you run into him again -- a guy you apparently still like, AND he seemed like he wanted to talk to you -- you ignore him??????? This guy has got to be thinking you hate him. I agree with the other suggestion -- if this happens again, perhaps a smile and a hello at the very least.