Am I being too hard on him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Am I being too hard on him?
1
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 10:11am

I posted this question on another iv board, too but was hoping you all might have some input!

So I started casually seeing a guy although I have made it very clear that I am not looking for anything major here - my daughter is my number one priority. He alleges he is cool with that. He is very nice - wants to know what my interests are and pretty obliging with doing things around that. He asks questions about stuff, but then does seem to forget the answer (like he asked "when is your birthday" and it was last week and he said he didn't know because he doesn't remember me ever telling him). That isn't too big of a deal to me unless I saw that it was happening all the time.

The problem is that he acts wimpy and self-deprecating and that drives me crazy and I find it very hard to respect. He talks in this baby voice all the time. He says things like, "I know you don't like me and that I am just a pain to you" (in that baby voice). He told me the other night when we went out for a quick dinner while my daughter was out to dinner with her father that he feels like I don't like him much, but that he jumped at the chance to buy me dinner just so he could spend time with me.

We were driving and he had to try to kiss me at every stoplight, in spite of the fact that I obviously was not into it and found it annoying! (I guess if I was really into him, then I might not mind at all!) :)

I admit, I have become increasingly cold to him because of this self deprecating, baby talk, "poor me" stuff that he does. I have told him that yes, I do like him, so he needs to stop being like that because I don't like that. He continues. I tell him that I like strong men who really voice their opinions and stand by them. I guess it is weird that I would complain about his, but he bends too much for me.

It is almost a chore to see him anymore, and I do it mainly just for something to do and in the hopes that maybe this time he won't be like that, but he drives me crazy! Plus, I am not really attracted to him, but will that change with time? We are not intellectually on the same page, but it isn't like I need to talk about deep philosophical issues all the time and he does listen when I do get in one of those moods, just doesn't add a lot to the conversation.

I keep thinking that maybe it is nerves on his part since I am not overly warm to him and I know he does like me. I couldn't ask for a kinder person.

So, am I just using him? I don't think I am and don't want to do that, but maybe from the outside looking in that is what I am doing. Am I being too harsh and maybe need to cut him a little slack? Should I just cut my losses and tell him nicely that I don't think this is working out?

Help! He wants to go out tonight!

TIA!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 1:03pm

All of the cling and poor me stuff is a major turnoff to me... and in combination that having an attitude like that... being so clingy and pouty that you feel guilty... like you're not giving him what he deserves... totally contradicts that you said, up front, that your child comes first.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~