Single for 4 years

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2006
Single for 4 years
11
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 3:24pm
Was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to get back into dating? I've been single for 4 years or so, raising my son. Being a single dad is very hard but I have been lucky that my family helps me. But I feel that I've been a homebody for such a long time that I get very nervous around women. Also that its very odd for a man to have been single for such a long time that women might thing that there is something wrong with me. Now that my son is getting older (not to mention myself) that its "okay" for me to find someone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 3:37pm

Just start slow. Maybe try making some new friends first, and see what develops from there. As you gain confidence again, it will become easier (well as easy as dating gets anyways, lol).

It's important to have some time to yourself as well. Maybe start a new hobby, or take a class that might interest you....both good ways to meet some new people. Or you could just jump right in and make a profile on a dating site....if you are truely ready. Dating sites can be a bit intimidating when you are just trying to get into the swing of things (you can run into a lot of odd people), but it is an easy way to get dates usually, and there are some normal people on them too, lol.

I wish you the best of luck!!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 7:14pm

playfulrobby...

Pianoguy has been single about a year longer than you. Aside from a few casual dates, the "perfect woman" hasn't entered his life....at least, NOT YET!!!

I think the easiest way to 're-join the dating game' is through close friends. Sometimes it's less stressful to be part of a 4-some or a 'multiple couple' situation at the beginning? This way, you don't have to feel like you're 100% responsible for "entertaining or providing enough conversation" in order to keep your date amused? .

Once you find yourself comfortable enough with a special lady, you'll probably find it easier to take the next step...and ask her out on your own?

GOOD LUCK!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 10:33am

Hi~


If anyone thinks that there is something wrong with you for giving yourself time to process the divorce and put your son as a priority, then you don't need them in your life.


As for meeting people... just make a point to talk to people when you're out and about, especially when you're with your son... maybe at his school, play places, etc., and just make the most of gatherings with friends.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:15pm
I understand exactly what you're saying. I've been single for 3 1/2 years, and everyone tells me to be patient. I meet plenty of men, but plenty of the wrong kind. They either don't want a relationship or they're not compatible with me. I have two children, and their independence has me feeling very lonely these days. It's very frustrating. I've tried internet dating and numerous other things. I don't have a problem meeting men. They're just not the right kind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 10:17am

totsylove...

A little food for thought from Pianoguy:

Some men...who have been independent prior to meeting you...probably are overwhelmed by the thought of "having an instant family?" This doesn't mean you aren't valuable and can't add a great deal to THEIR LIVES? But you come "complete with kiddoes!" So it's more than just dating or establishing an FWB situation?

If a man has gotten used to a quiet household...it's quite an adjustment to suddenly enjoy "the patter of little feet" or the "sound of screaming teenagers!" This is like trying to watch a foreign film without subtitles. Most men require 'more than a little adjustment time?' Basically...if they want YOU...they have to take the entire package (aka your children)!

Remember that in ANY relationship it's not only the desires and consideration YOU want that are important. It's those of the man's as well!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 5:45pm
Sorry, pianoguy. If only it were that simple. I don't have a problem meeting men who aren't accepting of dating a single mother. I have trouble meeting men who want to date at all. They only want part-time company. They're exact words are "let's just be friends" or "i'm not looking for anything too serious." Translation: "Can we just have sex every once in a while?" My status as a parent has very rarely been an issue when searching for a boyfriend. The guys of today seem to not only have obtained a phobia of marriage, but it has now spread to any form of commitment. It's ridiculous!! Am I wearing a sign on my back? Someone get it off of me, please!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:42pm
It is a lot harder these days to find men who want to make a commitment I've noticed. I wish I had some advice for you but I don't. I've heard so many stories of people with or without children having a hard time finding men who want to settle down in a relationship and almost less commonly marriage. For the most part a lot of men (not all, I"m not men bashing here) want their cake and to eat it too since it's a lot easier than having to put in the emotional energy and work that it takes to maintain a relationship. Don't give up, there are men out there who really want to be in a relationship and most importantly who want to be with you and like you for who you are. You haven't found him yet but you will. It takes time and sometimes you have to date a lot and go through a lot of trials and errors to find someone worthwhile. I had to go through a lot of them in my several years of dating.
Sorry to the OP for highjacking your post!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:10am

totsylove...

PG has a question:

Do you suppose you're giving off a "I want sex with you" vibe...and that's the only reason the INTERESTED MALES are 'taking advantage of you?'

Perhaps you need to upgrade your standards a bit?

You didn't indicate if you're involved in any social or voluntary organizations, are taking a continuing education course, connected with a church choir or organization, or anything that will "bring you out socially?" But perhaps this is one way to start?

Also...take a look...AT YOUR LOOK! Men who don't have the slightest clue about you might assume certain things about you that definitely DON'T APPLY?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 4:13pm
Now, hold on Mr. PG. I don't want to start man bashing, but you're treading on dangerous water. Why is it that whenever a woman says that she has a problem with a man, the first thing a man wants to do is defend the man? NO. I don't give them the impression that I want to sleep with them!!!! Furthermore, I NEVER said that they get the chance to "take advantage of me." Don't put words in my mouth. And furthermore, I've met men in clubs, social organizations, and churches. Do you honestly think that men in these settings are exempt from this type of behavior? Well,they're not. I really don't appreciate what you're implying about my character. I did not share my emotions to be attacked & insulted. What vibe are you getting now, funny man?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 12:54pm

Karen...

Pianoguy needs a ruling here!

If totsylove would please re-read posts 7 & 9...I expressed one man's viewpoint. It's not the only one she has to accept or even bother with!

After she has finished with #9, I'd like her to re-read HER post #10.

If this doesn't sound like an angry, defensive woman toward males in general (NOT JUST ME)...then I've spent close to 6 years wasting my time posting on these boards!

I brought up possibilities...but made no implications!

As most ivillagers already know...there's going to be a broad difference of opinions on any LOVE & SEX issue...particularly when they're expressed by a man or a woman!

COOL YOUR JETS...totsylove!

Pianoguy

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