Can Anyone Identify with This??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Can Anyone Identify with This??
4
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:49am

Hi everyone,

How are you all? I've been on NS for what's going on my 4th month and I like it!! The reason I'm writing on this particular board though has nothing to do with my weight. I'm just wondering if anyone here has the same issue, feels the same way, or has any uplifting suggestions because I could sure use some!!

My problem is that I've been down for a long time now because I've been unhappy about the fact that I just turned 30 in August. I still live at home because I cannot yet afford to move, and most of all, I've been single for a year and a half and I cant seem to find someone that I am compatible with. This makes me so sad. I just feel like something is missing. Its very hard for me to go out and meet people because I only have a couple of very close friends and they are all either married or they might as well be, and they are not into the "going out" scene (club/bar) and frankly, neither am I. I tried to meet people online (been trying it forever) and I've just been having such bad luck with it lately. I don’t know what to do anymore! I'm just so down and out about everything lately, I feel as though I'm just not where I want to be. Like I'll never get out of my family's house and I'll never meet my "one". It's depressing too because 2 of my good friends just got engaged (one of them being a man in his 50's), and my best friend is 5 months pregnant with her 2nd child. I just feel like I'm destined to be that third wheel forever :(

Sorry for the pity party rant, I just needed to vent a little today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 4:52pm

Hey there... I know exactly how you feel.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 2:01pm
Hang in there, things will get better. Try to focus on doing fun things you enjoy, if you are not sure how to get involved, you can start by looking through your local Adult Education Schools, this is a great way to meet people, you all have the same interest and no one will even notice you are single; you can try Single Adult Ministries (SAM) programs through your local churches - a great way to interact with other singles; and you can try going out of town by yourself, for the day or even the weekend - a great way to learn how to function without depending on having someone with you - I go to the coast a lot and have traveled on cruises and Maui alone (planning my next trip back to Maui alone)- beleive it or not, I had a great time meeting people from everywhere - look up the "Signles Travel Company" on the internet, they are in Palo Alto, California, offer trips all over the world for people who are single, match you up with the same-sex roommate, I went on a 8-night cruise to mexico with their group (around 25 people signed up through this company, people from Boston, Texas, and California) - much better than staying home feeling sorry for myself - if you don't have the extra cash maybe your parents can help you out so that you can get out to do something for yourself. I have signed up for several classes where I live (golf, dancing, computer). When you start focusing on doing things you enjoy you will feel better about yourself. I am not trying to be mean or sound mean to you - you need to take care of yourself and make yourself content with your life, no one can do that for us or fill our voids we have, we don't have to be in a relationship, married, or pregnant to be complete, happy, and successful. We owe our happiness to ourselves. Maybe you can try some counseling to help you sort things so that you can move past your current situation. Try journaling - write down your feelings, why you feel that way, what's bothering you, why it's bothering you, what you can do help the situation, if you can't change the situation what you can do to make it more acceptable, what you are greatful for, and why you are happy to be alive. Maybe you should take a break from trying to meet the one and focus on meeting your needs - once you start focusing on yourself you won't have the time to be seeing what everyone else has that you don't. If you are not married and don't have children, you can try getting a part-time job to help you earn extra money so that you can move out and the great benefit is that you get out and interact with other people. I would love to work part-time so that I can meet, interact, and socialize with other people; but I can't because I am a single-parent, work full-time, and have two boys (12 and 14). Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful, you will be fine, you will be successful, you can make yourself happy, and you owe your life to yourself. Hold your head up high with a smile - you will make it through this difficult time, this is how we learn and grow. If you have trouble researching the resources I mentioned above, please let me know, I am more than happy to help you. I wish you well and keep us posted.

Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 1:29am
I can certainly identify with you. I just turned 31 on the 5th and live at home with my parents (and my 6 year old daughter). I am trying to save up to buy a house but the market is still to expensive. I have been single a little longer than you but I have the same friend issues. All my friends are married or engaged and the one that is into the club scene (which I am not really that into) only does it to meet her lover. Not really my cup of tea. I know that it is hard and lonely but you will have better days. It's hard to see that now but trust me. Plue if you ever need to talk to anyone you can e-mail me at mc2peona@yahoo.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 6:29pm

I know exactly how you feel. I was just feeling the same way this weekend. I'm 31 and have been divorced for a year (no kids). I thought that by now I would have at least found a guy to go out and have fun with. And the one good friend I had who is my age and not married just left town for a while. But I'm hanging in there and keeping busy does help me forget that I'm lonely. I'm lucky that I have support from my family and can call them to talk about some of these issues. I am doing online dating, too, but nothing has happened yet. If you have speed dating in your area, I highly suggest trying this. I tried it last year and it's fun and you get to meet a lot of guys at once (up to about 12). Also, it's good because you meet them face to face and not online. I met a nice guy doing this and we went on a few dates.

Also, you might check out the website meetup.com. They have all kinds of cool groups to join--even singles groups.

Good luck!

Michelle