Do people always think in terms of...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Do people always think in terms of...
3
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 3:09am

It has been almost 2 years since my ex broke up with me. I haven't dated since. As silly as it may sound to others: I still love him and have hopes of getting back together. He seems to encourage this periodically, the most recent being Christmas. We chat every once in awhile... I've definitely improved emotionally after the initial break up, although it has been a slow process.

BUT TO MY QUESTION: Do people tend to think about male and female (in this instance) relationships as non-platonic relationships? ...

The somewhat lengthy story for why I ask this: ... As I haven't had the opportunity to get out of my apartment much since starting graduate school, I figured I would try to be more social instead of studying all day. So, I decided to rejoin some of my undergraduate friends who are still around (I was able to come back to the same school)... Recently I had been talking with some classmates (in graduate school) about plans to meet with various friends, all of whom happened to be male. ... I have a lot of friends who are male who I do consider to be just that: friends who happen to be male. ... For some reason, my classmates think this is strange. My 3 female classmates seemed shocked, and the one male (who does have a girlfriend) thinks that I keep going out on dates, even when they're not. Most of the guys I know have girlfriends, most of whom I've met or known. They're all very nice people and/but I'm not attracted to any of the male friends I do have. ... NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN... I've known them all for at least 4 years now. ... I would think that my classmates all have friends of the opposite sex. Mine just seem to be majority male whom I am fine with hanging out with one-on-one or in a group.

I'm just sooo confused at why this may be a cause for weirdness amongst my classmates?!? They looked at me with such wide eyes like they couldn't believe what I was saying (they had asked why I was busy - so I told them I had plans on various days to meet with friends from undergrad - and then they prodded: who?) ... I have been thinking of other reasons, but this is what they've been talking about most...

... I am aware that it has been close to 2 years since my ex and I have been broken up. I do hope that one day we'll be together - BUT I know that I can't wait forever. ... I think it would be very sad if I wait for 5 years... I've been thinking about actually dating later on. It's not something I've ever done before, so I'm not quite sure how it works. However it works, I'm NOT looking RIGHT NOW. ... I just wanted to say that to guard against any "unconscious" thoughts it might seem that I have.

Hopefully this makes some sense. I think I've been thinking about it too long...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 7:21am

imstillinlove...

Pianoguy thinks there are individuals "who will NEVER let go of a personal dream or desire?" This attitude isn't necessarily bad...but it DOES keep them from moving forward into a new relationship, job, or even living in a different location!

I honestly think 2 years is more than enough time to expect another human being to change his mind about you. Non-platonic relationships...if they're HONEST...can probably work for some? But usually...one half of a couple will eventually want something more serious?

And from the sound of your post.......YOU DO?

Just because you don't have a b/f or s.o. at the moment (like your friends do) doesn't mean you NEVER will? But if you're holding out for someone whose feelings don't even come close to matching yours---you'll probably be spending several weekends alone!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:41pm
I love my guy friends I have many and seem to make guy friends easier then females don't get me wrong I have few close girlfriends but the majority are guys my boyfriend has many gal pals I call them so its not rare if he is hanging out with them all of his gal pals view him as a brother and that is it and my guy friends respect my realtionship so no its not rare and I have met people that were SHOCK that I let my boyfriend have gal pals but who cares I am the one he loves not them so hang in there your not alone when it comes to the Males being your pals

 

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 7:13pm

Having platonic friends of the opposite gender is completely normal and not strange in the least--I'm a little flabbergasted that your classmates think it's strange, frankly!

Sheri