Take a Chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Take a Chance?
7
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 8:03am
It's only been a month ago, but I met someone local online. I feel we hit it off and have been seeing each other in the flesh. I've had the all-consuming-OMG-gonna-faint ind of relationship that fizzles out so quickly (2 1/2 years anyway) and want a deeper connection. The person I've met is easy to talk to even about difficult things, except this. Probably because I would feel so vulnerable. We have alot of things in common. Anyway, we're getting along real well, I'd like to be exclusive, which actually, we pretty much are as far as actual physical proximity is going. I don't know if he's "seeing" someone online because he still goes to the website where we "met". I don't know if I'm just to take away boredom, and he's still looking. Anyway, here's my delimma... well, not really a delimma, but a question! My profile I had up, I took down. Then I've found much better words to describe what I want as far as my profile goes. I haven't put it up. I want to be exclusive with him and see where it may go. However, he's still going there, and sometimes it ain't to contact me! LOL! I wonder if I put my new profile up, will he throw his hands up in the air or will it have him think about the possibilities? I am satisfied to give it a shot with him, and although I would be a little sad, I could date other people if that is the way the cards fall. Now, in typing this, I guess what would be best is to wait a little bit longer... Hmmm. Ain't this teen angst at almost 50 fun!! LOL!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 9:28am

Well... that's tough.


If you're sure that he's still visiting the site, then why not just ask him.... I feel like I'm sure, but unsure, about where I am in my life and relationships, and I just wanted to have a candid conversation about this because I really enjoy the time that we spend together, and I want to take it at face value, and the best way for me to do that, is to ask you how you're feeling... are you enjoying seeing where this develops and still seeing what's out there, too?


I mean, part of being sure about where you are... is being sure that you're eliminating the looming questions that you may have about what else is out there.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 7:19pm

I typically don't raise the issue of exclusivity until we're close to having sex. If we are at that point, and he hasn't brought it up, then I will let him know that I'm not comfortable getting physical with someone unless we agree to be exclusive, take down our profiles, etc.

So I don't know how close you are to that point but that would be a good time to bring it up if he doesn't bring it up first. I don't think I'd put up a profile in the meantime, though...but if things continue as they are for a while, then you might want to consider it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 7:44pm
Wow, it won't come to that for months from now.... like months and months. I won't even consider that until exclusivity is brought forth and find out his views on whether long term is living together or marriage.
I had posted a picture of my closet, and when you look there's a heart on the sleeve of my uniform. He emailed me and said, "I see you're wearing my heart on your sleeve." I went on and posted the profile, because I really wanted him to read it anyway. I emailed him back and said, "I put it out there for you to see. It's what I'm really about." So if it was a mistake, he'll tell me, and if not, then that's even better. Better to find out now. I feel sometimes you know if it's something you want to check out or not. I think I just have to trust that all others will fall by the wayside. When you think of it, he could be wondering how many I'm writing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 7:26am
Well, it looks like it worked! So this morning I took my "serious" profile down and put up some movie quotes and a picture I had made of a basket full of all my eggs. We'll be taking this one slow and correct! He's a keeper!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 9:42am

Cool!


I like the basket of eggs picture idea.... but I'm curious, what are your quotes?


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:32pm

Dorothy: Oh, you're the best friend anybody ever had. And it's funny, but I feel as if I'd known you all the time, but I couldn't have, could I?
Scarecrow: I don't see how. You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together, were you?
Tin Woodsman: And I was standing over there, rusting for the longest time.
Dorothy: Still, I wish I could remember, but I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know each other now, don't we?
Scarecrow: That's right.
Tin Woodsman: We do.
Scarecrow: To Oz?
Tin Woodsman: To Oz.

Dorothy:...and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 1:44pm

:-)


I like.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~