Confused and Hurt

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Confused and Hurt
5
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 6:04pm

Hi Everyone,

Have been a lurker, mostly. Here is my situation. I was divorced last year after being with this guy for 13 years, so not much dating experience in my life. I just started internet dating in November. I met a guy and we have been on 5 dates since Thanksgiving. He has a son who lives with him every other weekend. So I have been very understanding about that. Our dates have been fun and have lasted many hours. He compliments me every time I see him. Some of his compliments seem insecure though. He once said: "What are you doing with me, you look like Jessica Biel, and probably have many men after you."

I think he is losing interest but not so sure. When we first started dating, he told me he was terrible about initiating or returning phone calls. I've called him a few times, and it takes him a couple of days to return my call. But we talked at least 2x a week sometimes up to an hour. Now he hasn't talked to me on the phone for 2 weeks! His brother was in town over those two weeks and he was busy, but this week his brother is gone and no phone calls. He now e-mails me almost daily, and we flirt. Our last date was on 1/10. He even recently asked me if I wanted to post some things on eBay. I take that he still wants to stay in contact with me in some way, since he is managing my eBay items. But he has not called me to ask me out and he did not respond to my last e-mail when I asked if he would be home that night so I could call him.

What do you think? Is he trying to end it with me, but doesn't have the courage to tell me?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 7:13pm

It sounds like he's perfectly happy to have you as an email pal with the option of calling or asking you out at some point if he feels like it. I find that so many men do this--I think that they *think* they want a relationship but they just aren't willing to put the time and energy into building one.

So if what he's offering isn't enough for you, then it's up to you to walk away. I've had to do this a number of times so I know how frustrating it is, but I assume that you're looking for someone to actually DATE, right? If so, this guy isn't him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 7:25pm
Thanks Sheri, that's what I need to hear. Everyone has some great experiences to share.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 3:37pm

angel6768...

Pianoguy thinks that any woman who 'resembles Jessica Biel' OR is attractive in her own special way...HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO FINDING AN INTERESTED SUITOR!

"Mr. Right" will eventually discover her!

I think 5 dates is a pretty good indicator as to whether a man wants a relationship or just a GOOD FRIENDSHIP with a woman. So if you enjoy being in this man's company, but know that friendship is all he's going to offer...you certainly have the option to 'look elsewhere' for a man who wants to really get serious?

I'll keep my keyboard fingers crossed for ya!

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 8:12pm

Thanks, Pianoguy. I always love your input. Interesting today...he called me and left voice mails on both my home phone and cell. You're right and I know Mr. Right will find me someday.

By the way, I was flattered to be told I resemble Jessica Biel. I'd love to have her figure. Jeez!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 12:03am

I recently read an interesting article about online dating. It's purely subjective, but the basic gist of the article was that people who socialize online tend to keep the proverbial hook in the water and not stop initiating and continuing online contacts the way people do when they have solely face to face contact. I don't know how relevant it is to your situation, but it was a thought that popped into my head as i read your posting.

He may really enjoy your company, really think you're gorgeous, and still be distant because he's persuing other scenarios online or elsewhere. Of course, that's a reflection on him and not on you. The bottom line is that if the situation isn't what you need, you shouldn't waste much time on him. Kep you hook in the water too ;)