So confused and hurt
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| Wed, 01-31-2007 - 3:26pm |
I recently went out with a guy I knew in a professional capacity for a year. We've ducked around each other nearly the entire time we've known each other so going out was a big step forward. During the date, I thought we had a pretty good time, a few lapses in conversation, but they were comfortable and he smiled and complimented me the entire outing. He called the next day and I was a little preoccupied, but I thought the conversation was ok. Anyway, I wait a day then I called him and invited him over my to my place the next day and he said yes, but he didn't want me to cook. He asked me to e-mail my address which I did. Then, this morning I checked my e-mail and received the most hurtful message, I have ever gotten. He said so much, I'm just going to clip and paste. I'll also include my response. Please offer any advice or thoughts you have on how I should take this:
I decided after our adventure that I would not really go out with you again. I drew this conclusion based on some important facts, mainly that I do not feel a sensation of ease when I am with you due to your very melancholic nature. I am very upbeat and joky and seemed off key with my character. I am not saying anything bad about you at all, you are a very nice person.
I just know that if we can not really click, then it is not worth getting to know each other on more personal friend levels. Truthfully, I sense a lot of conflict with in your character, and it seems to be that you are out of place, or searching for something you can not find. I wish you luck in finding yourself, because it is no fun walking around confused and sad.
To which I said:
Wow! This is really surprising and hurtful. I really don't understand why you would accept my invitation last night. How very funny that two people can have the same experience and come away with such different conclusions. I thought we laughed almost the entire night. If you felt my confusion, it was likely because I couldn't figure out if we were truly trying to be friends or more. I guess I know now that you were trying to figure that out too. I was taking you at your word and trying not to put any pressure on you. I'm not confused about what I want from you, and I'm not melancholy or even sad I just haven't been able to say everything I would like because I was trying to be respectful of your boundaries. I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of experience, I'm just cautious because it's hard to tell someone you like them and then get an e-mail like the one you sent. I like you, but I understand that you don't like me -- like you said when I sent an out of the blue e-mail to you, I have to respect your decision. I guess my inclination was right when I said we couldn't be friends.
I wish you the best.

Oh lordy! I'm sure he felt he was doing the "right thing" by telling you exactly why he doesn't see the two of you as a couple, but this is one of those instances where less is more! A simple, "I really enjoy your company as a friend but I don't feel any romantic chemistry so I'm going to pass on getting together again" would have sufficed!
It says much more about him than about you that he would feel the need to say hurtful things to you so I hope you can let it go.
Sheri
Give me his address... bwhahaha!!
That took alot of nerve for him to do that... Geesh!
He sounds like an insecure jerk.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Sorry you had to meet someone like that , we don't need men like that in our lives