should i ask him out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
should i ask him out?
5
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 2:56pm

im 21,never been on a date,never been kissed.

its a long story-unhappy in school,not getting my first choice of college,extreme shyness/anxiety,friends never seem to last.

anyway,im now in my final year in college and ive liked a guy whose been in my class for the last four years hes lovely and im mad about him.

he asked me a couple of times to go to class parties just a firendly gesture. people im friends dont go so i dont.cant show up on my own.i did want to go to put myself out there.but friends all have boyfriends so they dont really care bout all that.

the last time he asked was november really wanted to go but nobody wanted to go.

since then he hasnt talked to me.just a wave which i usually do first.met him and his friend waiting for class he looked at the floor the whole time.he told me he was shy a while back but i dont know was that it.

friends say he likes me.
should i ask him out?what have i got to lose?finished in a few months.part of me is sick of being scared all the time.life is passing me by!but i dont know can i handle rejection.
im at the bottom of the list in terms of attractiveness but consider myself a nice person.

strange story i know but should i leave it go move on?

should i ask him out/go to class party?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 7:23pm

"people im friends dont go so i dont.cant show up on my own."

Gosh, why not?? I'd say it would be worth cab fare if necessary. If there's another such event coming up, I'd definitely go...just get there.

"part of me is sick of being scared all the time.life is passing me by!but i dont know can i handle rejection.
im at the bottom of the list in terms of attractiveness but consider myself a nice person."

Sounds like some real self-esteem issues here...you might want to seek out some counseling as to why you feel you can't handle rejection or why you consider yourself so unattractive. I think you're being really hard on yourself.

As to your question: I'd say that after four years of longing for this guy, you might as well ask him out...just something low-key like coffee. It sounds like he's already done the asking and you more or less turned him down by not showing up. Normally I discourage women from asking men out, but in this case, I think it would be OK. At least he would know you were interested. Perhaps he'll be really relived that you asked. But you do have to prepare yourself for him possibly turning you down. Men have to go through being turned down all the time...and they survive somehow!

I say go for what you want...don't wait any longer. Dating takes practice. You're still incredibly young, you really do have your whole life ahead of you.

I wish you much luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 9:37pm

Sure!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 5:55am

just found out through a friend that he has a girlfriend and sure why wouldnt he. the good ones never stick around!hes 23 shes only 18 must only be a recent thing.maybe i missed my chance?i analyse way too much before i now it the time is gone.

i was thinking of going to counselling.it might be good for me.

i do have a self esteem problem but recently realised what im missing.glad i didnt say anything now!

gonna work on it there will hopefully be someone around the corner!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2007
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 10:10am
You sound exactly like me when I was your age! Ask him out, if you don't you'll always wonder what could have happened. I think your just a little scared because you don't have much experience. That doesn't matter, but you'll never get any experience if you don't take a chance. Believe me, the longer you wait, or let fear hold you back, the harder getting in the dating game becomes. You'll start to think you've done something wrong, or something is wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you, but you do have to be proactive in your life. Take a chance, even if it doesn't work out, even if he turns out to be a class a jerk (look at my post from last week) it's worth it to put yourself out there. Just be geniune, be yourself, and you'll have experiences with no regrets.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 3:54pm

i agree its time for me to grow up.he has a girlfriend but i gonna keep my eyes open and learn how to take a chance.thats what lifes about i guess!

thanks for your words of encouragement!