How do you stay safe with online dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
How do you stay safe with online dating?
7
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 7:27pm
How do you stay safe from people's predatory ways when you're dating online? I've met a lot of strange people, but the last one I met had so much debt that it would be impossible to start a fresh new life!! I do you know who the people you meet really are, or how many times they have been married? I'm scared - dating just isn't what it used to be!
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 9:22pm

Hi Boomer,

Sounds like you've met some real clunkers. I personally never had much luck with OLD, but I've certainly heard of people who meet wonderful partners. I never met anyone really strange or scarey: just disappointing. There's really no way to know in advance what someone's baggage and background is, either online or in the "real world." It's simply a chance you have to take. I know there are ways to investigate people, check on criminal records and the like. But it sounds like maybe OLD isn't for you perhaps? I found the whole thing very stressful, so I stopped doing it.

A really good book about online dating is, no lie, "The Rules For Online Dating." It's a quick read and I think the authors really researched the topic. Worth checking out.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:39pm

I think that with dating in general, you just have to be smart... and cautious... before you jump in with even 1 1/2 feet.


I always look for signs of independence--having their own place that's moderate for what their income range should be for what their profession is.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 12:30pm

Hey Boomer, Welcome to the Board!!

I'd have to say I agree with FloridaGirl, background checks are always a good idea if you are nervous that a person has "predatory ways". You may not find out about people who don't have a track record, and are still capable of wrong doing, but you'll certainly weed out those who do have a past history of any criminal wrong doing, or if you are scared of a person's marital status being kept from you. I know my friend uses http://www.peoplefinders.com/ with pretty good results, and fairly cheap also. Trusting your instincts is hard when trying to open yourself to love!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 12:50pm
I hadn't really considered that, can you do that on people you are dating? It would probably have helped a lot with that last one I dated, but as they say - hind sight is 20/20, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:54pm
I agree, I have done a background check before on someone, and would do it again. I don't know what company I used, but I would definitely do it again if I felt the need or just wasn't sure about someone. It's been a while since I've been in the dating scene, but it seems to get more complicated as the years go by!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 5:13pm
2 yrs ago when I got divorce and started to do the online dating thing I would tell my friends where I was at if I was on a bad date I would text 911 and my friend would call pretending to my father and telling my date that I need to go hey it worked LOL for your right the guys on there were very strange indeed and your right dating has changed a lot so be careful and also follow your gut insticnts if you see red flags do not go out with that person

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 6:47am

I met my fiancee through on line dating three years ago. Playing it safe is pretty simple. My rules were. Email for a week to ten days prior to meeting. During these emails I would ask questions. He would answer and ask me some also. This way I got a pretty good idea of the type of person I was dealing with. Once a date and time of meeting was established, I gave my phone number in case he got lost or had last minute remorse. I always took my own car and met before dark at a public place. I always let a freind know where I was. I never gave my last name, address, employer, etc. If after the first date I decided that a second was in order, I gave more information. None of them ever got past date number one except my fiancee. Good luck.

Deb