dating again &f reaking too--sorry long
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| Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:53pm |
I used to visit this site after my divorce nearly 10-years ago. So I have moved on to a new stage in my life...and again arrive at ivillage. Background: met X at age 15, married nearly 20 years, divorced since 98.
The church singles group has become more active, so I thought I would give it a whirl. In January I began attending the after church meetings, bowling and even a weekend trip to the Outer Banks, NC. Met a lot of nice people. Apparently one gentleman who is very nice. He is old school in that he opens doors etc and is very accomodating, to everyone. Well Wednesday before Valentine's Day he called to ask me to the Valentines Dance at the church on Feb 18. I accepted. Hey I was gonna go anyway--and it would be rude to decline and then be at the dance.
He called again on Valentine's Day, which again was very sweet, but took me by surprise. We talked about the weather, the weekend and when he would be by to get me. Call length, maybe 3 minutes.
The date...
Jay arrived early, about 10 minutes. He had a bottle of sparking cider--we don't drink alcohol and a bouquet of 2 dozen red roses. UH OH. clue#2
While having dinner he commented on the perfume I wore last Saturday at the evening church event. I told him and he said he smelled it all week long...and that he really liked it. UH OH Clue #3!!!! Dinner was chicken divan, rolls and salad. Dessert was at the dance. Conversation was very easy. (But I couldn't stop seeing my x father in law in some of his facial features--talk about weird.) I also learned his deceased mother and I have the same first and middle names. Groan. He seems to see this a very positive thing.
I talked about how nervous I was, and how I really needed to take baby steps since it has been so long. The ride was 30+ minutes long to the stake center. Here again....easy conversation. We get to the dance, and all of a sudden panic sets in. OH BOY! butterflies were about ready to lift this large, plus sized women right out of the gym. There were not that many people there...and the dance was already into the first hour. Someone came up and started discussing with Jay that he had been approved. (Apparently he just received a job!!) And Jay's remark to me? "See you are my lucky charm" YIKES!!! Clue #4. He was very patient with me, I was very unnerved about dancing without a group I encouraged him to go and "boogie" and that I would be fine. But the gentleman he is, stayed with me. Other singles began filing in and we all sort of took over a corner of the room. We were meeting and talking and having a good time. Finally a song which got me out of my seat YMCA.. Really fun and certainly not sentimental in anyway shape or form. Safe song. And after that I was dancing often enough. No slow songs though. Which Jay completely understood. It's a spacial issue I am having. Oh sure I have hugged me since, but come one that is what 4 seconds tops....a slow song is 2-3 minutes long!!! (I know I am over anxious.)Some other guys in our group asked me frequently to dance and it was mostly to slow songs, and I declined. Other singles were raising their eyebrows about Jay & me--ya know being an item (this is like high school)-but I did my best to shrug them off. They had someone there taking photos--ya know like at prom- and Jay wanted a picture. So we had a picture taken. Clue #6. I had a better time than I thought I would....but there were other comments that lead me to believe Jay is WAY ahead of me. He walked me to my door, kept his distance, and asked....."Can I call you again?" /clue #7 And I said yes...not sure why, except I really just wanted to get in the house and since his car was double parked, I couldn't very well go into a discussion as to why "this" may not work in the way he maybe seeing things. UOH clue #8!!!!!! ..Jay called Sunday morning, thanking me for a lovely evening and intimating that he would call later in the week, possibly to discuss getting together next Saturday. OKAY!!! Bells, whistles and sirens!!!! Do you hear them too???? AGHHH. Okay, so I will tell him too fast!!! and we need to just go back to group get togethers. Which should put me back into a more comfortable zone for me.
Any suggestions? I really don't have anywhere else to go to discuss this, because the others in the group would more than likely talk and those I work with are much younger than me.... So I hope to read and respond to some of the other posts which are along this time topci and know that there are others in similar situations as I find myself.
Thanks in advance
Donna

Hey Donna... you scared me when you said "10 years" ago and I remember you from... way back around here.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
You seem to be hearing a lot of bells, whistles and sirens. In a good situation this would be a positive thing, like attraction to the one you are with. Sorry, but it seems to me that this guy, no matter how genuine and gentlemanly he may be, is not the one for you. The butterflies that you felt should have been caused by the fact that this man is intriguing,interesting, attractive, and you really hoped he might ask you out again. If that feeling wasn't there then you need to be honest with him. When I started dating again after 25 years of marriage I decided to listen to my instincts. Dating someone you are not attracted to is a waste of time. Unless you want to use them to practice on which is not really fair to them. So if after the first date I wasn't looking forward to the second one I would just say "Thank you so much, but I don't feel like we hit it off". Good luck.
Deb