How to start trusting again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
How to start trusting again
3
Sun, 02-25-2007 - 6:09pm
In the course of a year I had both a relationship and a close friendship go sour due to trust issues. As a result I'm struggling to learn to trust again. Last night I was at a party and ended up talking with and making out with a guy who I previously thought was kind of a jerk, but I was wrong about him, he's actually nice. And he claims to have liked me for a while. I had a hard time believing he had, and also that he wasn't just trying to score (we only kissed) and I explained I just have trouble trusting people right now. He seemed fine with it but really wanted me to understand he wasn't just looking to score. My question is, how do I trust anything any guy says now? I hate that I've lost trust in people and that they have to earn it first now. I really just can't accept that a guy actually might like me and not just want something easy, and I don't want to put myself out there and get hurt. I'm thinking of sending him a casual text w/in the next couple days to see if he wants to just hang out sometime. I'm not even sure if this made sense after I wrote it..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 4:52pm

I am soooo in the same boat as you. Trust. Such a difficult thing to get back. I say, give the guy the benefit of the doubt - text, call or email him. If no response, then I say let it go. Better said than done, I know, but it really is the best thing to do. Why waste our time on someone who won't give us the time of day? We tend to consume so much energy on these guys that we forget about ourselves. Look at me trying to sound all Dr. Phil-like.

Also, if he does respond, great! But disappears again (which has happened to me on several occasions - which made me want them more), try back in a couple of days. I know it starting to sound desperate, but I say, three strikes and your out! Some people say that's too many strikes, but when I want something, I tend to go for it until I'm completely sure.

I don't know if this helped any...I wish you luck and please, if you find yourself thinking about this guy so much, think about a hot celebrity. Mine is Clive Owen. YUM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 8:22pm

I was badly betrayed on a few relationships,the last one was the worst only because it seemed so real. What a fool I was!!

Only time can tell if anyone is trustworthy. Begin slow,do your best not to get too emotionally involved until he has demonstrated his intentions through his actions,not words...
Let him talk about himself and see if his priorities in life are similar to yours.

I hope this helps. It comes from many heartbreaks. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 7:21pm

I am almost in tears because I feel I can't trust anyone. I've been betrayed by all my previous friends, men in my life (see 'is everyone insane post) and MY OWN MOTHER!

I think the points the women said were very true: for one, we women pour ourselves out over these men at our own expense. And second, look at the actions, not the pretty words. Just even today, I decided to cut off a new guy I JUST KNEW was different from the others , I JUST KNEW he was solid and trustworthy. But his words said "I want to take this all the way" but his actions said "rude and cowardly".

I guess I would add to trust your gut, it's usually correct. There was a reason you thought he was a jerk. People aren't black and white, there's lots of shades of gray. Good people do bad things. Jerks can have good days/moments. So just watch it, trust your gut, anything that doesn't set right with you, don't question it. If you're not getting treated as you feel you should, dump him. Good Luck.