dating again...types of men
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| Thu, 03-01-2007 - 5:05pm |
Hi everyone..
So here's the deal. I recently ended a long term relationship and am going on a date with someone new (I'm ready...that's not the issue). So here's my question/issue...
I always seem to date the same "type" of guy and this guy isn't my traditional "type". I used to have this "list" of all the requirements I had in a male and now that I'm older and wiser, I'm sitting back and feeling like I was being superficial and that what matters most is how people "click" (to use that overused word) and relate to one another. It doesn't necessarily matter if, say for example, I have a masters degree and he didn't go to college at all???
Obviously there are some "dealbreakers" for me (for example, ex-cons need not apply) but do many of you have "requirements", aside from serious issues like children, marital status, etc.
Thanks so much...I'm new to this!

Everyone has their own requirements, in addition to the majors -
1. Education, not necessarily formal, but can conjugate and hold their own in a conversation.
This may seem like Shallow Hal, but I recently went out with a guy from online and he set every hormone I had (and some I didn't know I have) on fire, but I couldn't imagine taking him to my best friends Christmas gathering. (It also showed why lunch meetings without alcohol are a good idea!!) Whew! He was hot!!
2. He needs to be able to handle himself at my Girlfriend's Christmas Party. (In a group of my friends)
3. Be nice. Drive nice. Mr. Hottie blew up at another driver drifting into his lane. I didn't even see the guy drifting...
Hi Kelly,
My thought is, perhaps when we become attracted to someone "not our type" that we are experiencing personal growth. For instance, if a woman is always attracted to boozing womanizers, and she goes through a period of self-discovery and personal growth, it's a really good sign when she's attracted to a "nice guy." Not that this applies to you, but just wanted to make the point that it can definitely be a good thing.
Yeah, I've got a list, but it's open to variation. One thing that is kind of big with me is education level. I just have a mere BA degree, so it's not like I'm some PhD scholar. But I read a lot and consider myself culturally sophisticated, so yeah, it would be a problem for me if the guy couldn't keep up in conversation. He probably wouldn't be that interested in ME. I used to work with a woman who was terribly bright and talented (a copywriter) who I was very surprised to learn had never gone to college. So, college isn't always an indicator, but unfortunately, usually is.
And at my age, 52, I'm looking for a guy with financial stability and a decent job. It's not like I'm in my 20s meeting guys who are trying to find themselves. If a man is struggling financially, trying to find himself at 52, I'm thinking that's a problem. There could be an exception to that, but most likely not.
And chemistry is important! I think you need more than that when the vapors begins to evaporate, but never underestimate its importance. It's huge.
And of course, substance abuse (alcohol or drugs) is a big deal breaker. And no ex-cons!
I think as I've gotten older, it's not that I've become set in my ways or more picky, I just know what doesn't work for me and I'm a lot more hip to seeing the signs early-on.
So, gosh if you're clicking with this guy I say go for it! Time will tell.
All the best, FG
I threw away my list a long time ago... and I've learned a lot about myself!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~