dating again...types of men

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
dating again...types of men
3
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 5:05pm

Hi everyone..

So here's the deal. I recently ended a long term relationship and am going on a date with someone new (I'm ready...that's not the issue). So here's my question/issue...

I always seem to date the same "type" of guy and this guy isn't my traditional "type". I used to have this "list" of all the requirements I had in a male and now that I'm older and wiser, I'm sitting back and feeling like I was being superficial and that what matters most is how people "click" (to use that overused word) and relate to one another. It doesn't necessarily matter if, say for example, I have a masters degree and he didn't go to college at all???

Obviously there are some "dealbreakers" for me (for example, ex-cons need not apply) but do many of you have "requirements", aside from serious issues like children, marital status, etc.

Thanks so much...I'm new to this!

~Kelly~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 12:02am

Everyone has their own requirements, in addition to the majors -

1. Education, not necessarily formal, but can conjugate and hold their own in a conversation.

This may seem like Shallow Hal, but I recently went out with a guy from online and he set every hormone I had (and some I didn't know I have) on fire, but I couldn't imagine taking him to my best friends Christmas gathering. (It also showed why lunch meetings without alcohol are a good idea!!) Whew! He was hot!!

2. He needs to be able to handle himself at my Girlfriend's Christmas Party. (In a group of my friends)

3. Be nice. Drive nice. Mr. Hottie blew up at another driver drifting into his lane. I didn't even see the guy drifting...

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 8:51am

Hi Kelly,

My thought is, perhaps when we become attracted to someone "not our type" that we are experiencing personal growth. For instance, if a woman is always attracted to boozing womanizers, and she goes through a period of self-discovery and personal growth, it's a really good sign when she's attracted to a "nice guy." Not that this applies to you, but just wanted to make the point that it can definitely be a good thing.

Yeah, I've got a list, but it's open to variation. One thing that is kind of big with me is education level. I just have a mere BA degree, so it's not like I'm some PhD scholar. But I read a lot and consider myself culturally sophisticated, so yeah, it would be a problem for me if the guy couldn't keep up in conversation. He probably wouldn't be that interested in ME. I used to work with a woman who was terribly bright and talented (a copywriter) who I was very surprised to learn had never gone to college. So, college isn't always an indicator, but unfortunately, usually is.

And at my age, 52, I'm looking for a guy with financial stability and a decent job. It's not like I'm in my 20s meeting guys who are trying to find themselves. If a man is struggling financially, trying to find himself at 52, I'm thinking that's a problem. There could be an exception to that, but most likely not.

And chemistry is important! I think you need more than that when the vapors begins to evaporate, but never underestimate its importance. It's huge.

And of course, substance abuse (alcohol or drugs) is a big deal breaker. And no ex-cons!

I think as I've gotten older, it's not that I've become set in my ways or more picky, I just know what doesn't work for me and I'm a lot more hip to seeing the signs early-on.

So, gosh if you're clicking with this guy I say go for it! Time will tell.

All the best, FG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 8:47am

I threw away my list a long time ago... and I've learned a lot about myself!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~