just another "bed" buddy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2006
just another "bed" buddy?
3
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 3:55pm

I started seeing this guy from match.com, he winked at me and initiated most of the first getting together plan. He seemed very anxious to me, which made me feel great, yet scared. I wasn't sure if I was all that attracted to him from the pictures I saw and we're totally into different things. But I met him anyway, I really need to start dating again. We met at the movies and he was actually quite lovely, attractive, very gentlemanly, and I found myself interested. After the movie, he walked me to my car and feelings seemed mutual. He said he'd call me the next day - which he didn't, but he IMed through yahoo. We set another date.

He came over because he was insistent on me watching his favorite movie. I was a little hesitant, but figured since my roommate (a male) was home so if anything strange happened, my roommate would make sure to kick this guy out. But things were going well. Things got a pretty hot and heavy and we ended up in my room. Well, in a nutshell, we didn't do the deed. He couldn't get it up, he tried all night leading to the morning, NUTHIN'. He decided to go home, hugged me, kissed me once more and turned to wave good-bye one last time after he stepped out of my apartment (I took that as a good sign). "I'm never going to see him again." I thought to myself. But I was still interested, regardless of the non-existent you-know. So I called him the next night, but he already had plans. I IMed him the day after, no answer. I gave up.

Then two days later, he came back! So a week after our second date, with the non-existent you-know-what mishap, he agreed to go to the movies with me. We ended up coming back to my place and of course, we did it. No problem, once at night and once in the morning - yay me! But when he left at noon the next day, there was no kissing involved, no, "I'll call you later," just a little hug and a good-bye. Have I made myself, yet, another "bed" buddy? Or am I just being paranoid and impatient. I kinda like this guy...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 7:46pm

this too many will sound odd and cornball old fashioned...
But even as a youth I promised not to become sexually involved because I knew I would be free from worry if I did.

Free from worrying if he liked me--or was it only the sex?
Free from worrying about pregnancy, STD's etc.
Free from the lust vs love debate.
Free from the what if's--was I good enough, was I awful, etc

Free from worry. It's a good thing.

I am not judging you. I just wanted to share my philosophy. I plan to stick to this, no sex before marriage, avoid the worry. There is already too many other things I HAVE to worry about....why create another.

Good luck though in sorting this out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 8:40am
Well.... don't knock the messenger.... but.... sex?... on the

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 6:36am
I was just reading Tracey Cox here on ivillage. She says it is okay to have a bed buddy. I have been single for 13 years. I can say the best times and the least stress, with no strings attached. Was when I had a bed buddy. That was when I was the happiest. (ofcourse you want the sex to be good/someone who finishes the job)with the bed buddy. if not then he isn't worth taking your clothes off for.Although I did have to end it with him, when one of us got too attached, the other one was fine with things the way they were. So I think it is up to the person herself/himself to decide. Maybe he just goes around building his ego by sleeping with who ever he meets if they will let him,and he could be bosting about it to all his friends. Maybe he was wanting you to get your pompoms out and jump up and down, and act all excited. Who knows the world is so mixed up today. It is hard to know what the social rules are for these things. Good luck in what ever you decide.