first date back in?
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first date back in?
| Sun, 03-04-2007 - 12:19am |
Hi everyone...quick question.
How did you feel after your first date back out there? I had a nice time, the guy is super nice and sweet, but I haven't thought this much about my ex in a while. I will NEVER contact him (he cheated in a cruel cruel way) but I'm still thinking.
Just wanted to get your thoughts. Thanks so much. I'm so glad to have found this board.

Hi Kelly,
I think it takes a long time to process the ending of a relationship, especially a marriage. I would say mine took about 3 years. I too would never contact my ex, but I would (and still sometimes) think a lot about him...it pops up at unpredictable times. Even though our marriage was not happy, sometimes I do get nostalgic for times that were good. When facing a possible new relationship especially, I can think, "How did I get here???" and long for a past that was in reality, not good.
So, I think it's totally natural to think about your ex. Just notice these thoughts, but then be realistic about the past.
I actually don't remember much about how I felt after my first date after my divorce...it's been so long.
Hey, I'm glad you're dating again! All the best, FG
Oh I remember--it was just 2 weeks ago. After 20 yr marriage, and 10 years post divorce.
,
It was a lovely time.....he was a gentleman in so many ways. The most memorable first date any woman could imagine.....
BUT IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!! While on the date it became quite evident to me that he had mastered a CRUSH on me. I totally did not expect it. I have not been in the dating or even group event singles action for a long time. In January I became involved with my church singles group from the area. I just got my toe in the water---when he PULLED ME UNDER!!! I quickly had to re-assess EVERYTHING> I did not want an exclusive relationship---I had just started to enjoy group activies....so I had to break the news. He knew he had gone overboard and that it scared me. It was very easy to discuss with him. We agreed to continue to attend group events and take things very slowing and meet lots of other people in the process. I truly don't think I want to locate a husband. But I do want socialization.
A friend of mine sought to marry....and indeed has. But that is not for me....at this time. I can understand how thoughts can return to the former spouse. There is the comparison, the similarities, the resurgance of feelings from the past, even space issues. Not to mention the little annoying things and whether you are ready to accept someone elses annoyances. And the give ups and give ins. Give up your freedom, money,house,color sceme/decorating etc etc. I like the autonomy of making these decisions for myself and not having to discuss and compromise and give in etc. with anyone else (X was a controlling abuser). So there are a lot of things, based on my past relationship with my X that definately affects my "dating" mentality. (Golly I sound crazy--another direct result of my X I suppose.)
So.....
Try to determine what you want. Do it when you want and take your time. If it makes you uncomfortable--don't do it. Will I date myself too badly if I say, "If it feels good--do it!?" But most importantly have FUN!!!!