Is everyone insane out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Is everyone insane out there?
7
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 5:58pm

Hi, I'm new to this forum but I am so angry and I need to post here.

Well, I just ended (rather it fell apart) a new interest that crashed and burned before it got off the ground.

In short, we met on a dating site, he offered me his number to call and times to call him. I'd call him, he wouldn't call back. He gave me his yahoo messenger, said it was on all the time, but it never was.

Then he contacts me, tells me to call him, I did. It went extremely well. He told me he liked me and he was calling me the next evening. He stood up our phone date. No messages, apologies, etc.

I left a message with the email at the dating site where we met. Then I decided I wanted to nip it in the bud, I hit the messenger. I told him how I felt (annoyed but really I was P.O.' d.). He never apologized, never addressed what happended.

So...he was rude, dismissive and arrogant. But he claimed on the profile he was wife hunting, on the phone he claimed no games, I liked him because I thought he was sane and solid.

The one before him: Punked out after two months, dumped me, ex wife issues (still hung up on her even though he divorced her), immature, rigid personality. But he SAID he wanted a wife, was really into me.

The one before him: Seemed solid, ambitious and acomplished. Turned out to be a psycho phone stalker, major head and heart game player. SAID he wanted wife and kids.

The one before him: There isn't enough space to write about him. Psycho depressive, Dr Jeckell/Mr Hyde. Abusive. Took years to get beyond that one.

The one before him: Misogynist Pig

The one before him: Childish religious cult member

I'm getting bitter. I feel like there are no decent men left on earth. I mean, it used to be appearent who the bad guys were. Now the "good" guys are the ones you have to watch out for. How the hell am I suppossed to trust when no one is trustworthy, is broken and damaged?!?

Is it too much to ask for to get someone solid and sane anymore? Do I have to be stepped on, pooped on forever to be with someone? Or do I have to be a celebate hermit in order to keep my sanity and be safe?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 8:50am

Wow!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 4:33pm

There are a lot of messed up people out there, of both genders. And the older you get, the fewer "good" guys in the singles pool because the majority of the sane ones are in relationships and stay there!

That said, there is the occasional exception. What you need to do, it sounds like, is stay skeptical early on and move on as soon as you see bad behavior so you can get to a good guy sooner. The most recent guy not calling you back from the start should have been your indication to say "Next!!!" and end that charade right then and there. Never believe what someone writes in their profile; believe what they SHOW you (unless what they write in their profile is bad--then believe it, LOL!).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 5:52pm

Thanks for your response. I messed up a bit too with the last guy. I sent him a snippy email letting him know he dropped the ball. Then I messengered him to try to get an explanation (he gave me none).

I short I've learned I've got to reel in my anger, lest I lose the man for me in the future. I've got baggage, I see that now and will address that.

But the fact is, a few days later I'm seeing this guy was a flake. Period. Nobody likes or respect a flake. And that's at the very least. The other side of that is he's unstable and duplicitous (excuse spelling). I certainly don't need that!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 1:37am
I'm asking myself that same question! There doesn't seem to be any "normal" guys out there! Its so fustrating and hard!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 9:23am

celease...

Pianoguy is sorry to hear about your unfortunate dating experiences.

HOWEVER...if you spend your time "comparison shopping" between one man and another...and are expecting disappointments to happen...THEY PROBABLY WILL?

From one who hasn't serious dated...let alone made a commitment to any woman within the past 6 years...I've found that you have to RELINQUISH YOUR PAST ATTITUDES in order to permit a new person to enter your life.

Granted...we've all been hurt by someone at one time or another in our life...but if we expect betrayal, failure or have the feeling that a relationship is going to eventually apart...all of these will happen.

Why not retrace your steps a little...and ask your latest EX what 'tore the earlier bond between you APART?'

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 11:02am

Hi Pianoguy,

I would love to ask the last "potential" ex what tore apart the obvious bond we developed. But he has me on "ignore".

I was reading a reply with Northwest. They told me what I already know; that when he flaked out on me again by not calling when he said he would, I should have just left him alone and kept it moving.

I'm racking my brain though over the past few weeks wondering about what might have been. Could I have scared him off? I want to be able to fix this. But then again one thing I've recently come to realize is that I'm attracted to broken people and I stay in broken relationships. I don't go looking for them mind you. They find me and especially with the men, I try to get them to "see the light" and fix them and the situation.

So you could say I'm in "broken" recovery, meaning that I've learned and have to stop myself from wanting to "fix". There's a saying that goes "You have to be free to see". A person (man in my case) has to be free of baggage or whatever is bringing him down to see the possibilities of a great love and I can't make him see it. I have realized I have to let go when I see someone who is broken.

To that end, I've implemented a 3 month "drama free" rule for dating/relationships: If he brings any drama into my life within the first 3 months, he's out, no questions asked. The reason is because (and I think people forget) that love and romance is supposed to be a PLEASURE and a JOY. The first 3 months is the "honeymoon" period; there should be 98 percent great dates, hot sex, and lots of laughter. If the person is too damaged to enjoy the first few months, they don't need to be with anyone and certainly not me!

Now I'm deciding on months 3-6; I still don't want the drama but CERTAINLY to me there shouldn't be any in the first 3.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:05pm

celease...

Pianoguy thinks "relationship recovery" takes different amounts of time. As NO TWO PEOPLE are the same...there's no such thing as a specific number of days to get over a heartbreak!

Anybody who tells you that your emotional wound will be healed by the end of the month or by the beginning of next year IS FULL OF IT! They can't tell you how to feel. Only your head and your conscience can.

Personally...I think your 'drama free rule' is a good one. But why put any limits on it?

You have no way of knowing how quickly or slowly you'll be ready to 'bounce back' into a new relationship...or even consider having a serious friendship? I suppose 'the honeymoon stage' MIGHT only last for 3 months---if you base the joy of having a partner strictly for SEXUAL PURPOSES ONLY?

Call me old fashioned, but I think there has to be MORE than just "hyperactive libidos" working for a man and a woman---if a couple truly wants to 'cultivate a serious relationship!'

Pianoguy