confusion...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2007
confusion...
2
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 7:23am

Hi everyone...

I need some insight please...

I don't know how I feel about a guy. Because of work, I don't get to see him all that often. In fact, I've only been out with him twice but I've talked to him on the phone at length for a while. On the phone, I really think I like him. When I'm around him though, I am a mess (I hide it fairly well but I am different). I can't relax and all I want him to do is go but then on the other hand, all I wanted to do is see him when I'm talking to him.

I'm struggling with if I like him or not and if I'm just overanalyzing (which I tend to do). He is the exact opposite of anyone I've ever dated and is such a sweet, kind guy. He also is totally into me. I'm just having a hard time knowing if I like him or just the idea of him or if I'm just completely messed up!!! He's the brother of a friend so I know many people that know him (so he's not just some random stranger, nor is he an ax murderer) and they speak so highly of him. I just can't help but thinking either my judgement is so off now from my ex that now I like a guy who's the opposite or that he really can't be this great of a guy and treat me so well because one day, you know that other shoe will drop.

Then I also go back and forth with, well, if I have to think about it this much then maybe I don't like him and I should just "know" But I think about him all the time and can't wait to talk to him.

I have been up front with him and he is willing to be patient/take things slowly/whatever. But I don't want to lead him on either.

Any help would be appreciated...

~Kelly~

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: kelly0393
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 7:43am

First of all, how long has it been since you broke up with your ex? Was he an ex-husband or boyfriend?

Personally, I think most people don't give themselves enough time to get over a relationship, rushing to fill the void with someone new. It's great at first, but then all those issues that were unresolved in your last relationship have a way of showing up.

If your ex and other past boyfriends were abusive, I would see it as a good sign to be attracted to a "nice guy." But without the soul searching and "recovery" from codependency, the nice guy may become boring to you.

Maybe you're just not ready to be in a new relationship right now. Give yourself some time. And only time will tell if you really like this guy.

Take care. —FG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kelly0393
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 11:45am

Kelly03093...

Pianoguy suggests you "cultivate the friendship without setting a time frame!"

When you do this, nobody feels pressured to arrive at a certain point by a certain date! It also gives you better insight as to whether you truly want EXCLUSIVITY or just a good friendship?

If you don't compare your social life to that of your friends...I think you'll find it a lot easier to arrive at a decision about getting REALLY SERIOUS or NOT?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy