Never a Second Date?? What's Wrong??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2006
Never a Second Date?? What's Wrong??
1
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:56am

Hey everyone,

I'm just writing because I've just gotten back into the "dating world" over the past couple of months, and I'm finding that I'm getting very discouraged. It seems like I'm going on a lot of first dates, sometimes you can tell right off the bat that it didn’t go well, but sometimes it really seems like it did and we both had a great time, the guy will even suggest to hang out again, etc etc but I've yet to have a second date with any of these people! I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong here! Lol… Am I the only one going through this?? Is it just that when the "right guy" comes along It'll just click and work itself out on its own?? I don’t know, but I'm getting upset over it and I feel like its my fault or something.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 8:40am

Welcome to my world.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong and I don't think it's your fault. Are you dating online? I found that meeting men online was notorious for one-meeting-only for me. The other phenomenon that I found was that we could have a great conversation on the phone but then it was a total bust when we met. I never understood that.

Here's a story that happened to me in regards to this: I met a man through a personal ad. We met up at Barnes and Noble and I liked him. Not like I was in love or anything, but I would have been willing to go out again. Not to be shallow, but this guy was somewhat overweight (I am slim), but I thought, "Well, don't be so critical, at least you like him." So, when I get home that night, the phone was ringing and it was him. He gushed about how great it was to meet me, and I encourgaed him to call me again. Then, NOTHING. I refuse to call a man back in a situtation like this. So...2 months later, I went to a singles event and he was there. I really wasn't mad or anything, just puzzled, so would have been happy to talk to him, not even bringing up the whole thing. I knew he saw me, and I know he remembered me, but he IGNORED me. What?? As I drove home that night I thought, "Rejected...by a FAT man!" But here's the thing: I'll never know why this happened. And this is the story I tell people when they dare tell me I'm "too picky."

I think dating is hard, and I think OL dating is especially hard. There's so much pressure to decide right away. I think that could be part of why the man isn't calling again. I also read an article once, written by a man, who said that if a man goes out with a woman that he really, really likes and finds attractive, that sometimes the thought of a comitted relationship just scares the sh-t out of him and he runs in the opposite direction. This doesn't make sense to me, but I've always thought of this article.

I also think people have mixed emotions about dating anyway, and perhaps their hearts just aren't that into it, or they get scared off easily, and that could be from anything. Or they're looking for some impossible god/goddess and won't settle for less.

Who knows? When you do meet the "right" guy, that's not always a road paved with gold either. I think in general you can say that you "click," but I think there can be some bumps along the way with that too. I think it is important to give a new relationship time, but only you can judge how long is "too long." I think if you know right away something isn't working, that you should trust your instincts. A good book that addreses this is "If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?"

Keep your chin up, yellowlab. --FG