I don't know what to think?
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| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 11:44pm |
First let me say that I'm 43y/o and was basically dumped last year by my live-in fiance who was 51y/o. Needless to say I was devastated.
Last month I met another man, he is 50 also and we hit it off really good,but I told him I wanted to go slow since I had been hurt by my ex and don't want to rush...He said he respected that but he started telling me How much he loves me, how he knew from the first time he met me that I was his match, etc....He talked about how much he would like us to get married.He even knelt down and professed his love!
He did and said everything a woman would dream of...How he would treat my daughter as his own, and will be the rock I can lean on. I can't begin to say how much he showed love and interest...And I started to fall for it.
2 days ago, after having a wonderfull evening, even according to him, he suddenly changed and started saying things that I had said which had bothered me...I don't want to make this long,but just trust me on this that I hadn't said or done anything and he had shown no indication that I had said something he didn't like.
This was our last conversation, which was over the phone...He got off the phone rather abruptly and said he'll talk to me later.
He hasn't called and has ignored my e-card...
I'm so confused as to what happened. I am in therapy and my therapist says that he will call and that he may have other things going on, or he needs time to think...It's hard for me to accept that because he had been so consistant and had even told me that I was more important to him than even his business...
I can't help but to think another woman is involved, because the change of behavior was sooo uncalled for and so sudden!
The only thing I'm gratefull about at this point is that I didn't sleep with him! But I feel like choking him and ask him why he suddenly made stupid, petty excuses to stop talking to me?

sepideh2002...
Pianoguy suggests that you give this man ONE LAST CHANCE TO RESPOND by sending him a snail mail friendship card.
Don't pick out anything cute or mushy...just something that will honestly express your feelings. Include a short note inside if you'd like...but keep your thoughts generic. In other words...don't bring up THE FUTURE TOGETHER! Let him know that you miss him and that's it!
Then mail the card.
If there's no further response...end the communication immediately. YOU'VE DONE YOUR BEST TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP ALIVE! NOW...IT'S HIS TURN!
Pianoguy
I'm sorry this happened. Maybe I'm mis-remembering but I thought I posted to you on another board about the turn-around/disappearing act being VERY common with guys who come on strong at the beginning, so that's why coming on strong is such a big red flag and why I urged you to be super, super cautious and skeptical of this guy.
Anyone who says things like he did less than a month into a new relationship needs to be looked on with a HIGH, high degree of skepticism. He's only known you for 30 days or less and you're more important to him than his business???? Please!
It's doubtful there's another woman. This is textbook "blowtorching" (a Mars/Venus term--I'm not a huge fan of John Gray but he does get that right). I'm surprised your therapist hasn't picked up on that.
Sheri
I have become so negative and mistrustfull (my mom feeds the fuels even more)I never gave this guy the benefit of the doubt.
Here's what had happened: HE GOT SCARED OF MY PMS! Granted I get irritable,and speak my mind more! and can be abrupt,so he called me yesterday asking me if I feel any better?
He was also busy getting his taxes done,since he has a business, etc..
He was surprised by what I had thought...The problem with him appears to be that he "assumes" too much. He said he thought I needed some space to get over my PMS and didn't want to fuel the fire, so to speak.
Anyway, we had a nice dinner and conversation, and he re-confirmed his love to me...
So we'll see how it goes....I'm having dinner with him again tonight. I'll keep you posted... I hope it won't be about more drama!
Ok this time, but I still think his coming on so strong is a big red flag. Proceed with extreme caution. Generally the implosion tends to happen around the 3-4 month mark, but it can be earlier or later.
Please think about this objectively. Does it make ANY sense, wonderful as you are ;-), that he'd be saying the things he has said to you, when he barely knows you?
Sheri