A BAD fix up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
A BAD fix up...
1
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:17pm


Fix Up #1 by Dave...my friend's husband...

I just broke up with boyfriend recently because I found out he had financial problems--- due to gambling and excessive spending habits ($1700 pens, $600 shoes...) so, I was feeling a bit vulnerable.

About a year ago, Dave had offered to set me up with a guy he knew from his fantasy baseball league "Harry". At 43-45 and never married, it just sounded to old for me, and my preference is to meet a man who by 40 has been married (or even engaged) by then. Just from my experience, the older, the more set in their ways. (And my brother-in-law is the exception to the rule, he was 41 when he met my sister, so there are ALWAYS exceptions)

Anyways, I said thanks but he sounds too old. Me: I'm 35, never married, no kids, graduate educated, very into physical fitness, run 1/2 marathons, like to travel, non-smoker, non drug user, don't gamble. I desire someone who wants to get married and have a family, is financially stable (okay I know a lot of you are not, but at 35, I am looking to have a family sooner than later, that's some of my reasoning). I'm fine with men who are bald, overweight (15-20 lbs.), shorter (5'6" is fine), divorced, even a man who has one child.

But the key thing here is that I will ABSOLUTELY NOT go out with any man that does not want children. And I have been VERY clear about that.

So, a year goes by and I recently break up with my ex. Dave calls me out of the blue--- and tells me I ABSOLUTELY need to go out with "Harry" because he is a VERY successful, trader, he is nice looking, sophicated, looking to get married and have a family--- he is SUCH a great guy--- and he is totally "quality". He asserts that the men I have been meeting are not "quality" (something I took offense to, but hey lets move on)--- so he has a GREAT track record with fix ups--- and he trully believes that this guy is a GREAT match. In fact, he's not even sure that he's still single since he only sees him once a year!

So I say: "Fine, I guess I'll try it, its not like he's like in his later 40's like 47, right?"

Dave tells me he doesn't know. FIRST BAD SIGN.

So Harry calls me---we spoke on the phone--- I suggested we meet for coffee---he said he had to do "his fantasy baseball league" first but he would call me back shortly. So, I went downstairs to do my laundry--- I came back 25 minutes later--- he had called--- not once, but THREE times wondering where I was. The first time, he kept saying "hello, hello? Hello"--- For two minutes on my answering machine. Apparently he didn't know difference between live and an answering machine??? He even called my cell phone (which is listed on my answering machine- IN CASE OF EMERGENCY) wondering where I was!

Okay, upon meeting this person--- he looks his age---47, at least he doesn't look older. Something didn't seem right about him. He was obese (40-50 lbs. overweight) not physically active ---- and not well groomed. We went to a bar (my suggestion) because Starbucks was packed. I found out that he had financial problems---(which why on a first date you would tell someone that???) He then told me how he rented a cheap apartment from an old lady and how she wouldn't cash his checks--- and when she did it would over draft his account--- because he didn't know how to balance his checkbook! He is not the "VERY successful trader" that I was told about.

We had absolutely ZERO in common--- he actually sounded like a very low functioning man, which since this was actually an acquaintance of Dave, I can't believe he didn't pick up on these things.

He kept apologzing for wearing "not a brown jacket" since I guess he told me that he would be wearing a brown one. He sweated profusely as well.

I asked him about relationships--- like I said 47 never married--- he told me that he has never been close. The longest relationship he's been in (which I don't even believe him) is "A year, maybe a year and a quarter." He told me that he's met women that are not interested in him, or vise versa. Clearly, he's never had a serious girlfriend.

The best part was about kids--- the VERY REASON I originally didn't want to go out with him (his age) because I thought someone in their 40's may not want to have children--- was EXACTELY what he told me--- that he felt he was getting too old and since he wants to be with someone, the kids thing doesn't matter at all.

I told him flat out that the reason I was looking for marriage (besides companionship) was to have kids--- and if someone didn't feel the same, then we weren't on the same page. I am SO upset that Dave would even CONSIDER fixing me up with him! I am going to say something to his wife--- so she doesn't think I am a total bitch--- this guy has never met Dave's wife--- because I think she would say the same thing--- that something is WRONG with this guy.

Honestly, after doing some more thinking (and asking around) I think this guy has aspberger's syndrome--- which is a social disorder--- and a form of autism. Like I said, this man wasn't quite right, and what gets me on this one, is the fix up--- what was Dave thinking??? I mean, I kept saying NO based on the age--- and apparently that wasn't enough... but I have only one other time been fixed up with someone so socially awkward, you think (or rather KNOW) there are more problems than just being a mismatch or nervous on a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2007
In reply to: ariel1120
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:50pm
i would tell dave not to fix u up with any one .
that t guy did sound like a big loser ot some thing.
there is your mr right out there some where just dont give up
. my mom has all way siad when u dont look for love it come to find u .