Sex yet???
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Sex yet???
| Sun, 04-22-2007 - 11:23pm |
I'm new here and have a question!
I just started dating this guy about 3 weeks ago. So far, we have gone out about 3 times...so on average, once a week. We don't talk on the phone much at all (maybe once a week for a few minutes, basically to plan the date) and he text messages me maybe 2 times a week. I asked him why he doesn't call me more, and he said that he is "bad at talking on the phone, and doesn't like it"....what does this mean? Is this true that guys really DON'T like talking on the phone?
Anyway, other than the phone thing, everything else is great with us. We get along well and have a lot in common! We talked for hours on friday night, about everything. There was never a dull moment in our conversation and had a great time. Later on during the night, we started making out in the middle of watching a movie. He asked if we could go over to his bed. So we went over there and he started trying to take off my pants. I stopped him because I am on my period. He was very disappointed. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said so naturally "have sex"...I was kind of floored here. He acted like it wasn't a big deal really. I mean, in our previous dates, we did mess around a little and make out...but never got that far. In fact, a couple weeks ago I did tell him that I didn't want to have sex that night and he said that was fine. I guess now because we have been dating 3 weeks that we are "ready" for sex in his eyes? I told him that I have only been with one other person in my life..and I didn't know if I was really ready to have sex with him yet. I asked him what made HIM so special? He said that sex isn't really that big of a deal. He said he has been with maybe 7 people or so. By the way, I am 22 and he is 23.
Maybe because I have only been with one other person (whom I had a very long term relationship with) I am nervous about doing it with someone new. I don't know. He acted like he wanted to do it on the next date. I think he is kind of expecting it. Anyway, my question is- is sex that big of a deal? Am I making too much of this? I mean, I DO really want to have sex with him...I am very attracted to him and interested, but I feel that we need to maybe KNOW eachother better...(he said he thinks we know eachother well enough) or something. If he called more, or if we saw eachother more, then maybe we could get to know eachother better...but we've only seen eachother 3 or 4 times since we met.
What should I do? I am afraid that I will get very attached if I have sex with him...But I don't want him to lose interest if I don't have sex with him yet. Do you think he is just using me for sex? He does seem to really be genuinely interested in me, and said he is ready for a relationship. He text messaged me today, saying that he was talking about me all night with his friends, about how much we have in common, how attractive I am, and all that.. He seems to really like me. I am just skeptical about him not calling me! Is this just a guy thing?
Should I just go forward and have sex with him? I don't want him to think I'm weird if I wait longer, in this day and age, it would be unusual to wait much longer!
HELP! Thanks in advance!
I just started dating this guy about 3 weeks ago. So far, we have gone out about 3 times...so on average, once a week. We don't talk on the phone much at all (maybe once a week for a few minutes, basically to plan the date) and he text messages me maybe 2 times a week. I asked him why he doesn't call me more, and he said that he is "bad at talking on the phone, and doesn't like it"....what does this mean? Is this true that guys really DON'T like talking on the phone?
Anyway, other than the phone thing, everything else is great with us. We get along well and have a lot in common! We talked for hours on friday night, about everything. There was never a dull moment in our conversation and had a great time. Later on during the night, we started making out in the middle of watching a movie. He asked if we could go over to his bed. So we went over there and he started trying to take off my pants. I stopped him because I am on my period. He was very disappointed. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he said so naturally "have sex"...I was kind of floored here. He acted like it wasn't a big deal really. I mean, in our previous dates, we did mess around a little and make out...but never got that far. In fact, a couple weeks ago I did tell him that I didn't want to have sex that night and he said that was fine. I guess now because we have been dating 3 weeks that we are "ready" for sex in his eyes? I told him that I have only been with one other person in my life..and I didn't know if I was really ready to have sex with him yet. I asked him what made HIM so special? He said that sex isn't really that big of a deal. He said he has been with maybe 7 people or so. By the way, I am 22 and he is 23.
Maybe because I have only been with one other person (whom I had a very long term relationship with) I am nervous about doing it with someone new. I don't know. He acted like he wanted to do it on the next date. I think he is kind of expecting it. Anyway, my question is- is sex that big of a deal? Am I making too much of this? I mean, I DO really want to have sex with him...I am very attracted to him and interested, but I feel that we need to maybe KNOW eachother better...(he said he thinks we know eachother well enough) or something. If he called more, or if we saw eachother more, then maybe we could get to know eachother better...but we've only seen eachother 3 or 4 times since we met.
What should I do? I am afraid that I will get very attached if I have sex with him...But I don't want him to lose interest if I don't have sex with him yet. Do you think he is just using me for sex? He does seem to really be genuinely interested in me, and said he is ready for a relationship. He text messaged me today, saying that he was talking about me all night with his friends, about how much we have in common, how attractive I am, and all that.. He seems to really like me. I am just skeptical about him not calling me! Is this just a guy thing?
Should I just go forward and have sex with him? I don't want him to think I'm weird if I wait longer, in this day and age, it would be unusual to wait much longer!
HELP! Thanks in advance!

"Anyway, my question is- is sex that big of a deal?" YES
It's amazing to me that men are still using these same tactics that they used when I was 22 (I'm 52 now). I think it's true for the most part that men see sex as "a thing apart" and "'tis women's whole existence." (er, sort of quoting Shakespeare here).
You are right (and smart to realize) that you will become attached to him if you do have sex. It's hormonal. You don't sound like the "free love" type, so I think it's important to honor that. I know you're attracted, and you want to...but only when the time is right, that is, when you feel you have more of a "relationship."
It sounds like one of your dates was at his apartment? Hmmm. This could be guy code for "come over and have sex with me." I think you should be going on public dates at first.
Here's the deal: if he really wants you (in more than just a sexual way), he will wait to have sex with you. Period. And if you "lose" him because of this, I say good riddance.
I do think it's true that many men aren't that big on talking for a long time on the phone, but I don't think that's the issue here. I think three dates is pretty soon to have sex, especially since you are feeling pressured. I've heard a rule of thumb for having sex is 12 dates. Anyway, the number doesn't really matter...you should have sex when you're ready, not because you are going to lose a guy.
And finally, I say make him jump for your love.
All the best. --FG
I agree with Floridagirl. If your instincts and belief system are telling you no, then it is too soon. Let his reaction to your decision to put the sex on hold for a while be your cue as to whether he is truly interested in you.
Take care!
 
I do not understand why you young girls think that you have to be in contact with your boyfriend 24/7/365.
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