Dating: How often do you talk??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Dating: How often do you talk??
8
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:12am
When you are first dating someone, how often do you talk to them (phone, text, e-mail, whatever) or see them in any given week?
I ask this because I have been dating this guy for ONE MONTH now....and we have been out maybe 1-2 times a week, maximum.
We harly EVER talk on the phone (maybe once a week for a few minutes, to plan the date) and he we will MAYBE text message a couple times back and forth once every few days. Maybe like 3 times in a week total.
He told me a couple weeks ago that he doesn't like/isn't good at talking on the phone, so that's why he doesn't call. But now that we have been dating for a month, and we have been intimate, I feel that we should be talking a bit more! We both agreed to go "slow" when we first met, but this is WAYYYY slow for me.
When we see eachother, he is great...but in the times apart, it seems he doesn't even miss me!!
If he really missed me, wouldn't he call/text? And I'm not expecting him to call and talk for hours--just a few minutes to check in.
And I know that we are still just "dating"-- at least neither one of us has initiated the "where is this going?" talk yet, and I don't want to be too forward and scare him off! I would rather let him pursue me...that's also why I haven't called him! I do occassionally text him first though!
My question is: when you have been dating for a month, how often should you talk to/see the person? Is he not very interested or what? I just wish he would show more interest and call/text me more. How can I tell if a man is TRULY interested in me?
any responses appreciated-
THANKS in advance!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:12pm
We are certainly going through the same issue. I met this man about a month ago. We see each other 2-3 times per week, but he doesn’t call me either. He does email me almost every day to see how my day is going and when he doesn’t he would send me a text message, but I feel that text messages are too impersonal. I have made my point before and told him jokingly that my phone is capable of receiving income calls. He did call me that day, but that was it. He usually calls me or text message me just confirm our date. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years and I’m used to talking on the phone every day, not necessarily long conversations but just to say and see how his day is going. It is good to hear his voice. I don’t know if this makes you feel better or worse, but just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one going through this. Is it that men these days no longer want to chat over the telephone?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 3:17pm

Whoa, maybe you two are dating the same guy! LOL, just kidding.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 5:14pm
Yes - I was thinking the same thing. Maybe you’re dating the same guy!! ;o) Anyways, I would agree - I think "he's just not that into you" I just went through the same thing, we've been dating for about three weeks and have been intimate but only saw each other two-three times a week. Then it just stopped. No calls, no excuse, no explanation. So I'm going to forget about it and move on. He's probably dating other - why shouldn't I too?
Sorry
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 11:38pm

" My question is: when you have been dating for a month, how often should you talk to/see the person? Is he not very interested or what? I just wish he would show more interest and call/text me more. How can I tell if a man is TRULY interested in me? "


To answer your questions.....mind you this is my opinion and it does differ from other posts on here so here goes.


How often people see each other totally depends on the situation, personal habits and how where the parties are in their life and dating journeys. It is impossible to lump everyone into one box and say this way is right and this way is wrong.


If you want to know if he is interested then just ask him and then take him at his word when he answers.


If you and this gentleman enjoy each other's company and you have a good time when you see each other then stop worrying, go with the flow and enjoy yourself. I think he's interested, I just think that things are playing out a pace he is comfortable with. If you'd like him to pick up the pace, tell him.


I personally HATE talking on the phone and text messaging, even with a guy. I'd rather see him once a month and have a great time than talk to him every night about nothing just so I can say

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 2:58pm

I have been through the same thing. What I have learned is that until he has been properly trained, (i.e doing EVERYTHING) that you want him to do...no panties. He'll be lucky for a good feel. Secondly, if he does not call or text messages/emails more than he calls, he probably has a girlfriend or a wife for that matter. I would judge his actions more than his words. If you like spending time with him, demote him down to "only friends" level no privedges, no special passes and start to date other people so you are not available whenever he decideds to set up a date and only take his phone calls every once in a while. Show him that spending time with you and "being with you" is a very special honor. He will either step up his game or step off...either way you win.

Take care baby girl and I hope this helped!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 1:16pm

"I personally HATE talking on the phone and text messaging, even with a guy. I'd rather see him once a month and have a great time than talk to him every night about nothing just so I can say I talked to him."

Amen to that!

Samantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:17pm

You wrote exactly what I have been going through. We are going out again tomorrow and then he will be out of town for a week. I would really like to hear from him while he's gone but I surely wouldn't count on it.

Any suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 1:34pm

Wow ... almost ALL the responses here are so totally different than what I expected! Do all or most women feel this way? NO wonder when I have been dating a guy and don't expect him to call me all the time or pay attention to me all the time have they kept telling me how GREAT it is to not be hassled when they are not with me!!!

Okay ... a month in guy time IS not that long. I personally hate talking on the phone also. So I never made the guys do the calling or pushed them about calling. I can tell you that after a couple of months of dating a guy I have never had one drop me, its always been the other way around.

browneyedmama2007 .. IF you really like this guy and have a good time when he is with you, stop feeling like he is ignoring you when he doesn't call everyday to say he misses you! I have a full life and I don't even want a guy around most of the week, weekend dates are plenty for me! In my experience, if you let the guy set the time and pace of the dating he starts to see you in a whole different way!

Maybe I do act differently from how other women act in relationships. I sure hear it from men enough. But I do KNOW ... if you don't pursue them and they really want you ... it makes them want you all that much more in the end!! And its so much better if you have them chasing you :)

Good luck.