Late bloomer

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Late bloomer
1
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 4:04am

Hi everyone,
I am a 20 year old college student with an irritating problem.

I have had boyfriends for the past 5 years of my life. Because I am a pretty girl, I have never really had to work for these relationships. I have been lucky enough for these boys to immediately show interest and essentially guide the relationship.

However, my last relationship ended a few months ago and I am now single…for the first time since I was 15 years old. Being new to the single/dating scene, I have attempted to meet new guys and have fun. Unfortunately, I recently realized that I am VERY shy!! Because I have had boyfriends for so long, I suppose I never developed the necessary dating skills.

When meeting new people, I am very proper and cordial. I am frequently at a loss for words (or use inappropriately large words when speaking to “cool” frat guys, lol) and remain very uptight throughout the entire conversation. I am constantly thinking about how I look and what I say. In my college social scene, I feel that men strongly favor my friends with outgoing, flirtatious personalities.. regardless of physical appearance.

I have been told that I seem very wholesome and proper in appearance and demeanor. Although I do like myself and am proud of my intelligence and morals, I would like to be somewhat more relaxed and appealing. I feel that this is the time in my life that I should be relaxed and having fun. I wish I were able to do so.

If anyone has experienced something similar/ has any advice.. I would greatly appreciate it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: roscoe999
Fri, 05-04-2007 - 4:05pm
It'll come. You are intelligent so it won't be too hard. You just arent' used to it. Observe your friends and see how they act and react and soon enough you'll be doing the same thing. You don't have to play down your intelligence so don't worry about the big words. You're probably only overly concerned about your looks because you are overcompensating for discomfort in the social situation. When at college parties, its good to find a place to sit that's not off in a corner somewhere, this way others have the option of coming and going. don't sit back, sit on the edge so it doesn't look like you are pissed off or bored. It was your seat first so if they don't want to talk anymore or feel awkward they can leave, I always hate that feeling of having nothing left to say and having to walk away, I'd rather have someone else do it. Also if there are games or something going on get involved, you have instant conversation and something else to focus on when you are lost for conversation. good luck!