online dating???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
online dating???
3
Sun, 06-03-2007 - 10:21pm
Four years ago I ended an eleven year marriage. After two years of not dating, I met someone and we are now over. Its been about 5 months and I have only been on one date. I am not really sure if I am ready yet but a friend suggested that I start a "myspace" page and I did. It was fun setting it up and I enjoyed reading others profiles but I am starting to get nervous. I just opened it today and am already thinking of closing it. Has anybody had any experience with this?? I have never put myself out there like that. And to be honest I am a little worried that nobody will respond!! I do not want to be rejected online. My self-esteem has taken a beating already this year. And then you hear all the crazy stories about stalkers. Yes, I know I probably sound crazy but I do not want to be ignored or stalked!! haha I really would like to hear about other peoples experiences with this. Thanks, Shar :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Mon, 06-04-2007 - 11:44am

I am a computer professional and have been for way more years than I want to admit. As far as women using myspace to connect to people, I have a few warnings to impart.

Its good as a tool to meet people and talk to them but you are definitely right about the stalkers and the creeps, oh and let's not forget the scam artists.

The first thing is to make SURE that your address, phone number, other personal information like that is NOT available to people there. That includes your whole name anywhere! I see these kids and young women putting up myspace pages that includes their whole name in the address (like www . myspace. com/janejones ) and I just want to scream at them! An industrious person can track you down in no time, especially if your hometown is prominent for all to see too!

The second thing is if you have it set up as a looking for dating, relationship type page you will get a lot of messages from men that sound as if they are foreign and usually start with platitudes like 'you are beautiful' or 'hi darling' or other things that most real men will not try to break the ice with. BEWARE! Most of these types of messages are from scam artists that will end up asking you for money in one way or another so 'they can come meet you' or 'take care of problems at home' or whatever new scam they are working on nowadays!

All in all myspace can be just as appropriate as a dating service if used safely and properly. Just like a dating service care must be taken in your progression to actual phone calls or meetings.

Hope this imparts a little bit of caution without scaring you away.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 1:33pm

It seems to me that if you have self esteem issues then perhaps putting yourself "out there" is not the best way of continuing to heal. Perhaps getting out with friends and same interest groups is the way to have fun and just relax.

Another approach is using the online dating sites which is oriented toward safety and matching up between people. eHarmony is very anonymous where you cannot contact each other without first jumping through a lot of hoops to screen each other out/in.

There is an Online Dating board here on iVillage to discuss this as well.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 8:02pm
I opened up the myspace page, got your reply, and closed it! You are right, I am no where near ready for putting myself "out there". Thanks for being so honest. Shar