advice about kids--help
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| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 5:42pm |
Hi, all! ok, before i get to the question let me tell you a quick background. I am a divorced single mom of 3 kids 4,10, and 15. I left my ex about a year and a half ago and the divorce was final a year ago. I havent dating anyone, but have met a few guys while out with friends. I have spent the last year and a half soul searching and doing things for me. Dieting, working out,(i have lost alot of weight and feel great about myself--not quite where i want to be yet but close), done things that i thought i could never ever do, just becouse i thought i was too stupid, or not worth it. My marriage was horrible, we were together for (married) 15 years. Lots of verbal, mental, emotional abuse.
Ok, now for the advice i need. I feel i am ready to start dating, my 10 and 4 year old are not the problem, but the 15 year old. I think he is going to make it next to impossible. I met a guy and we have talked alot via chat and phone, he wants to go out on Friday night. I told him yes. If my 15 year old new this he would go balstic. He has told me in no uncertain terms that i cant have a boyfriend or even date, ever. I said, eventually you will all be moved out, dont you want me to find someone that truely loves me and i can grow old with. He said i dont need anyone becouse when he moves out gets married and has kids i can be there for his kids and even move in if im lonely.
One guy I had met while out with the girls, called to ask me out and my son told him that if he is trying to get with his mom, that he will hunt him down and kick his ass. That was about a month and a half ago. I talked to the guy a few more times and just kinda let it drop. I didnt have a real connecting with him. The guy i am going out with Fri night, I can talk for hours to and it only seems like a few minutes.
I have told him about my son so that he is warned. I am not telling my kids who i am going with Friday, i am letting them think i am going out with some friends from work. Is he always going to be this way? Even though i feel i am totally ready to get out there and see where things go, is it something i should hold off on becouse of him? He even gets my mother involved, tells her when a guy calls or when im chatting. She says, you know he is just going to send any guy you meet running and then makes me feel guilty.
I have no intention of involving my kids in my dating, the only way I would is if somewhere down the road (long road), more comes of it, where i am sure that the person i am seeing is the one.
Any advice would be greatly welcomed and appriciated.
Thanks!

You should be proud of yourself for all that you have done in the last year! Kudos for you!
Now ... I hope what I say you DO NOT take the wrong way. It sounds as if your children (especially your oldest son) were aware of your treatment by your ex. If one of my children had talked to me like that at ANY time in their life (including now at 22, 26 and 31, btw my youngest son at 15 was 6'4" and 200 lbs and I weigh about 150lbs), I quite possibly would have laid them out all the while yelling "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!!!!" Okay .. not really but he would have been grounded off the tv, video games and computer for a couple of weeks if not longer. I emphathize this strongly: YOU ARE THE ADULT AND HIS MOTHER, DO NOT ALLOW THIS BEHAVIOUR TO REOCCUR!!!!! It sounds like your son severely needs counseling because I would say the treatment your ex afflicted on you affected him greatly and he believes it is alright to treat you this way. If he talks like that to his mother I don't even want to begin to think how he would treat his wife.
Get help for him. And yourself. You both sound like wonderful people (I know he thinks he is saying that because he loves you). I would be happy if you succeed at your new life, you deserve it!
Edited 6/6/2007 7:18 pm ET by tami-kins
Just peeking in here as a favor to cl-fastlaney while she's away...
Anyway, YOU'RE the mom. Tell your son you appreciate your