afraid I was a dating spaz

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
afraid I was a dating spaz
3
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 4:31pm

I met him on-line. We e-mailed and talked on the phone for a month or so. He is recently divorced (9 months) and the divorce was sprung on him. He has 2 kids. I too am recently divorced but I wanted the divorce so I am so ready to move on....

After talking for over a month, we finally went on a date this past Sat. I had a great time. We had dinner and a movie. We were out till late and at the end he was very gentalmanly and just kissed the back of my hand (I would have kissed him for sure if he asked...)

Now here is where I'm afraid I might have become a spaz... I texted him right when I got in. I knew he had a bit of a drive home and I wanted him to know I really had a great time. So that is what I texted.... I got no reply back. I thought well he is driving. He said he would call me the next day (Sun)....he didn't....so I sent him an e-mail the day after that (Mon.) letting him know that again I had a great time and let me know if he wanted me to give him a call or get together again.... He didn't call me that day. Finally the following (Tues) he called, but he was a bit down. He frequently gets frustrated with his ex wife and we talk about our exes all the time. So I listened and told him I thought he was a great dad and his ex was crazy to divorce him.... He seemed happier... so I also let him know that if he had wanted a kiss after our date I would have given him one.... he seemed flattered... we ended the call and he said again he would call me. A day passes (Wed) and no call... so I texted him a little flirty note (to kinda encourage him to call) No answer.... so I e-mailed him to ask if he was o.k. with me mentioning I wanted to give him a kiss... no response. Finally another day later (Thurs) he calls and only talks briefly with me didn't mention the kiss.... I sent him another flirty text message and got no response. He had said he would call me later that same day.... no call..... so now I'm not sure what to do.... Today (Fri.) he usually has his kids all weekend and we usually don't talk anyway so I really don't expect anything.

I'm thinking of letting it go. I don't think he was ready to date, but he doesn't want to tell me that. I do value him as a friend and someone to talk with. I was thinking of sending him an e-mail to let him know my suspicions and give him an out to say he does just want to be friend....

what do you think? did I totally mess it up by texting and e-mailing too much after? or do you think he really wasn't ready to date and doesn't know how to tell me?

mle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 9:03am
Hi,
You have only talked to him 1 month on line, had one date, and you have texted and emailed him numerous times within 1 week, with very few replies. You can not know someone in that amount of time. Yes, you probably scared him. Give him some time, go on with your life, if he is interested he will let you know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 4:52pm

Hello,

I hate to say it, but you are extending yourself way to much for this guy. It reeks of neediness(even if you aren't). The fact that you let this guy know u would've kissed him makes it seem like you are throwing yourself at him(along w/ the zillion calls all week). You have to let him wonder what it would be like to kiss you, and make him feel like when he does he is getting something wonderful from you. You have to let things build. The fact that you then kept harping on the good-bye kiss seems neurotic. I think maybe you were probably just nervous about blowing it, but sometimes when we let that type of insecurity dictate our actions it makes us seem all the more flakey, and gives a new aquiantance the completely wrong impression. Back off and let yourself gain some perspective. Don't make mountains out of nothing, it was only a kiss--and one that didn't even happen at that! Good Luck.

Imon2u

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:02pm
I think you meant this for the OP :)