after 4 1/2 years....Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
after 4 1/2 years....Help
1
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 7:22pm

So here's my story....
My boyfriend of 4 1/2 years who I loved greatly and he loved me just recently broke up with me...about a week ago. The main point for breaking up for him was our differences in views of religion, traveling, kids, sex, style, and a few other things. After talking last weekend he found out that I agreed with him on every one of those issues and we just never really talked about it in detail...except for one. I eventually want to have a kid(s) and he doesn't and he says that's definitely a deal breaker which I know he's right. He tells me that he loves me so much he just doesn't want either of us to compromise something that important because one of us would end up unhappy, I know he's right with is the hard part. It is just so hard because we have so many other things in common and we are best friends, and we have a really strong connection. I've known him since I was 14 years old (he was 16) and have been in a relationship with him since I was 16 and now im 20, about to be 21 and he's 22. I know this is for the best and I need to get out and make some new friends and have fun...I just don't know how to be single. I mean I have friends who like to hang out with me but I don't want to over wear my welcome and when they can't hang out it's hard to just be stuck home alone. We are still going to be best friends....we've talked and both came to the conclusion that it's what we both want. I don't want to jump into a "rebound" relationship but I also hate being alone. I am afraid of being alone and also of being hurt again. I'm going to join a hiking club, and go to the gym more (hopefully), and build up friendships that I've neglected because I was dating him. I know this will help but I don't want to just forget I want to get better. Every other day I'm either happy to be single and know it's for the best or I'm depressed that I'm alone and hope I can find the right guy for me and scared that I never will. I could go on forever but basically how can I be single after so many years of being with one guy and how can I attract guys without feeling like I'm doing something wrong....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 8:36pm

charmedfairy7...

Pianoguy ADMIRES your 4.5 year EX-BOYFRIEND.

Simply because he made it clear that having children with you wouldn't appeal to him?

Most women I know want to experience the birth of at least one child...so in order to satisfy your b/f's wishes, you'd have to give a 'dream of your own?'

Sooooo...you're taking steps to get out and find another "MR. RIGHT", who will hopefully have desires that are similar to yours?

Remember...just because you go to high school with someone...isn't a good indicator that you're going to end up marrying him? ALL of us go through physical, personal and professional changes. And while the 2 of you might be able to remain friends...the lifestyle that he'd like clearly ISN'T the lifestyle you want!

Just my 2 cents...

Pianoguy